Weeds
by Coloredindusk
Summary: Jasper has hit bottom, his drug use has gotten so out of hand he is forced to move in with his abusive boyfriend James to support his habit. Lucky for him, a haunted young doctor intervenes and ends up saving them both. Warnings inside. First fanfic!
1. Chapter 1

Hey guys, this is my first fanfic so be nice! I can take helpful criticism but if you're reviewing to tell me you don't like the issues my story contains then I have to tell you, I did warn you. Which brings me to: warning! This fic contains a male on male sexual relationship (although I tried not to make anything too graphic), drug abuse, domestic abuse, and dub-con. Don't like, don't read.

Also… I don't have a beta and my spelling sucks so you'll have to bear with me, I tried my best.

"Hello Jasper, my pet." James cooed, caressing my cheek gently. I leaned into the caress and kissed his palm, a silent plea for hit pity. He looked at me with that cold expression on his face, the one I was afraid of, calculating. "You haven't had your H today have you?" He murmured, petting my head gently. I shook my head 'no' vehemently, tears springing to my eyes. God I wanted it. I needed, I needed it, I needed it! I hadn't had any for close to a whole day and I had started feeling the effects of withdrawal hours ago. "Poor baby." He said softly, looking at me closely before suddenly brightening. "Soon enough." My mouth fell open and my bloodshot eyes bugged out of my head.

"Not now?" I whispered, afraid to speak. James turned to me from his position by the door and shot me an annoyed glare.

"No." He snapped, his lip puling back in contempt as I began to weep and threw myself groveling at his feet. "You will receive your reward Jasper just as soon as you earn it. Stand up." He ordered. I looked up at him through tear hazed eyes and begged, sobbing:

"Please, please! I will! I'll do whatever you want but please, give it to me now!"

"Get up!" James spat, kicking me hard in the chest. I yelped and scuttled away, drawing my knees up and clutching the new bruise on my ribs. The tears now streamed freely down my cheeks. It hurt! God did it hurt! The withdrawal was like a hand squeezing my insides, I felt like I was dying…. Speaking of a hand, it was at that exact moment that James grabbed the back of my neck ad yanked me to my feet.

"I said GET UP! Do not make me say it again." He ground out; batting away the hands I put up to shield my face.

'Yes sir." I whispered, going limp in his grip. The anger didn't leave his face but he at least stopped shaking me.

"Good, come on."

"Yes sir." I answered obediently. "But can I—" I cried out as he slapped me hard across the face.

"Shut up Jasper!" He hissed, shaking me once more. "Do you understand? Shut up!" I nodded, dropping my gaze quickly. I knew better than to push James when he was like this. I was lucky all I got was a slap…

"Good boy." He soothed, releasing me almost immediately and letting me go completely. Gently he raised my head by placing his fingers under my chin and softly pushing up. "I'm sorry I slapped you Jasper, you know why I had to right?" I nodded, blinking fast as a tear leaked out of my eye. "It's okay Jazz, " He soothed, stroking my back reassuringly, once more back to his gentle side. "As soon as you help me I'll help you. You'll get your reward soon." I nodded and sniffed, dropping my eyes once more. I couldn't' stand to see that smirk… "Good boy." he murmured again, giving my arm a loving touch before turning and heading towards the bedroom. "Come on, and stop that wretched crying, it ruins you pretty face." Numbly I followed. All I had to do was get through this and I got my hit.

"Jasper! Fuck!" James moaned breathily, coming perilously close to losing control. "So… fucking… tight!" He panted, his sweaty face contorting with pleasure above me. He shifted suddenly and hit a different angle and I screamed….

About an hour later I lay nearly comatose on the bed, lying where he had left me. God I felt horrible. The withdrawals were stronger now, making my whole body shake violently with chills and all my muscles spasm. I felt cold, cold all through me, spreading from my core to all my blood vessels and out farther. To top it off, now I hurt more in other places; James was not exactly a good lover. He ravaged and pillaged, taking what he wanted with little thought about his partner. Still, the pain from our recent activities was nothing compared to this, this constant hell caused by the withdrawal. I had my eyes squeezed shut against the pain and didn't see James reenter the room until he touched my arm. I flinched, eyes flying open, but otherwise remained still.

"Shhhh Jazz." James purred, his eyes still glazed over in fading ecstasy. He stroked my arm, getting me to unlock my elbow and allowing him to straighten the limb. I shuddered when his fingers brushed over the crease of my elbow and the countless track marks there. He felt my reaction and smiled.

"It's a new batch, you're the first to try it out." He chuckled. I moaned, my eyes rolling back in anticipation of what was soon to come. Slowly, tortuously, he cinched his belt tightly around my upper arm, getting me ready for the injection. I was panting now, rolling around on the bed in excitement. Funny how I never had this kind of reaction when we got ready to have sex….

"God baby, you love this don't you?" He groaned, eyes growing darker in lust. "You look so hot like this." I let out a whimper that was nearly a scream. The sensation of him teasing me was too much, I needed it, I needed it now. I let out a shuddering gasp and all the muscles in my body relaxed when I felt the sharp prick of the needle in my skin finally. My head flopped to the side and I watched as James pushed the plunger down, sending my freedom, my desire, rushing down the thin point barely visible beneath my skin and straight into my blood stream. It was beautiful and I was entranced. Blessedly injection is fast acting and the stuff James gave me was good, I felt it almost instantly. Suddenly the monster within me stopped rattling the bars and went back to sleep. It felt ecstasy override the pain and moaned as I flew through cloud after cloud of pleasure. My gaze fixed blurrily on James, smiling like a shark, pleased with himself for giving me my release. I saw him but I didn't think of him, I was beyond thought. I let out a breath and the waves of pleasure began to bear me away and I felt my breathing and racing heart slow as I started to fall asleep. God this felt good. As my eyesight faded I just vaguely saw James' smile falter and be replaced by fear. Then the biggest wave of pleasure yet swallowed me and I let go to swim in the current.


	2. Chapter 2

Hey guys! Sorry the last chapter was so short, I didn't realize it would be that much shorter once I uploaded it into the site's format. Thank you so much for all of you who reviewed! I wanted to answer each of your reviews individually but then I couldn't figure out how. Is it just a private message? Because that's the only thing I could think of but I didn't want to do it without knowing because I didn't want to be creepin' haha. Anyway, I hope you like chapter two and I'd like you all to know I now have a pre/reader, beta! DreamingPoet1988 was nice enough to help me out and volunteered. A thousand thanks!

AN: This chapter has been betad by DreamingPoet1988.

/

James—

"Oh fuck! Fuck!" I swore, springing from the side of the bed to Jasper in an instant. I had just given him the injection a few minutes ago and things had been going well. Jasper always loved it when I injected him, but this time… this time his high hadn't stopped. He relaxed and visibly went to cloud nine like always but then… then he just left. His body going unnaturally still, his eyes locked on my face, glazed and unfocused, he just smiled and… left.

"Jasper!" I roared, shaking his shoulders harshly. When he failed to respond I dropped him and slapped him hard four times across the face. Still nothing.

"Shit!" I cried, feeling desperately for a pulse on his smooth column of a neck. Nothing, not even a faint beat.

"Come on Jasper, breathe!" I demanded, beginning CPR on his lean form. Thankfully my efforts were rewarded by a small gasp and the kid started breathing again, shallowly.

"Fuck!" I breathed out, sitting back on my heels for a second and watching him. At least he was breathing. He still needed major help but at least he was breathing. Quickly I rose and scooped the kid into my arms, making my way to the shower and setting him inside it. I turned the water on cold and flipped out my cell, dialing quickly while I watched to make sure he didn't die.

"Edward, it's James. I need you to get down here asap. And bring your things for a heroin overdose…"

/

Edward—

I pounded on the door and waited impatiently for James to answer it. I mean really? Calling me at five o'clock in the evening on a weekday and requesting I come over? How was I supposed to explain that? Surely he was smart enough to know that a business such as ours only kept running so long as I remained above question at my place of employment and in all my personal relationships.

"Edward." James said simply, opening the door and stepping back to let me in.

"James." I sighed, giving him a quick once over and barely suppressing an eye roll. What a waste of time. "James, you're not even high, much less in danger of an overdose—" He cut me off, not even pausing in his stride as he glared at me.

"Not me," He hissed, "the kid…" As we talked he led me through the house to a bathroom in the back, gesturing wildly to the shower. It was running but I saw no one… I shuddered and gulped; I had a prickling feeling up my spine that I didn't really want to see.

"Well?" James snapped, "Help him!" I swallowed my nerves and took a step forward, reassuring myself that I was a surgeon and surely I saw more horrific things everyday without a problem. Two slow steps towards the tub brought the kid into full view.

I gasped and turned huge eyes to James, "You can't honestly expect me to help him? He needs a hospital! Hell, it may even be too late for a hospital!"

The kid was really more of a man, a rather small man albeit. He was lying on his back, naked, and with open, staring eyes. At first I couldn't even see the shallow rising and falling of his chest and assumed him dead. He looked it, he was dangerously thin and his skin had a sickly pale look. He had some skin lesions, apparently all his teeth, and all the telltale signs of a serious heroin addict. Textbook case in fact, right down to the overdose. I noticed offhandedly that he had slightly curly blond hair that the shower had matted to his forehead and bright blue eyes. _Like Keenan._ I thought suddenly, my mind flashing to his smiling face with the high arching cheekbones and deep dimples. The memory hurt as always and I shoved it aside angrily, bending swiftly to access the man in the tub.

My gaze lingered on the dark bruises and shinning red marks on the man's pale skin as I reached for him. Some could possibly pass for infected track marks but the vast majority could only be caused by some form of abuse. I cast a critical glance back at James and then to the rather nasty handprint on the man's left hipbone. Yep, most definitely abuse.

"Fuck, the waters freezing!" I snapped at James, shooting a nasty glare his way. "Are you that fucking stupid? You probably put him into shock!" Quickly I lifted him from the tub and freezing water, noticing that he was much too light for a man his size, and laid him on his side in the recovery position on the tile.

"How the hell was I supposed to know?" He defended while I quickly pulled out my naloxone and filled a syringe with it. "I'm not a fucking doctor!" I glared at him once again.

"Well you made things a hell of a lot worse!" I accused as I deftly injected the naxolone into the man's arm and waited with my fingers over his pulse point to see if it would take effect. James didn't respond and chose instead to hover over us and watch with me. Sure enough the naxolone did the trick; the man's breathing picked up slightly.

When he blinked and showed the first signs of regaining consciousness I turned to James: "What's his name?"

"Jasper," He said crisply, his eyes not leaving my patient and a detached look on his face. Only the muscle bunching in his temple gave away the fact that he was in fact both very engaged in my rescue and very anxious. "What did you give him?" He demanded, his question betraying his nervousness even more so.

"Naloxone," I explained distractedly, "it's a drug used to counter the effects of an opiate. It binds the opioid center in the brain and reverses the depression of the respiratory and central nervous systems. It basically puts an instant stop to an OD… Jasper?" The man moaned and blinked rapidly until his eyes came to rest on me in a haze of confusion. For an instant his face took on a look of utter disorientation but then James spoke his name and his eyes traveled past me to him, causing his features to clear slightly. Still, he didn't respond verbally and his lips retained their blue tinge.

"What's wrong with him?" James demanded. His words caused a column of anger to blaze up within me; he was so god damn stupid it physically hurt me.

"I don't know!" I seethed. "Either he needs another dose of naloxone or he's in shock but without a hospital, we're not going to fucking know." For once in his life James allowed me to yell at him without saying a word. And then there came a knock on his door.

"Who the fuck…?" He trailed off, spinning on his heel roughly and stalking out of the bathroom to answer it. I watched him go without much interest, turning my head back to my patient, Jasper. His eyes didn't follow James out of the room, even though he had been staring straight at him, and his features had a dazed, far away look.

"Jasper?" I questioned, shaking him gently to try to get his attention. He stirred but didn't acknowledge me in anyway and I frowned. Before I could think more on it James reappeared in the room, making up for his silence earlier by being ridiculously loud.

"Get him up now," He demanded. "I've got pick ups all day today and I cannot have him fucking clearly OD'ing here in my bathroom, who the fuck would want my shit if they saw that?"

"That's too damn bad; I can't get him up because he's in shock." James was displeased by my answer to say the least.

His fists clenched in warning at his sides and he ground out: "Edward I have a fucking massive shipment of fucking heroin in there, it moves today and he cannot be here looking like that. Fix him" I rolled my eyes at his childish words.

"He's in shock." I spelled out mockingly. "I can't fix that with what I have, he needs a fucking hospital."

"No." James said bluntly. "You and I have a deal; you take care of this kind of shit for me so that I don't have to use a hospital, that's how it works. You do whatever it is you have to do, but you don't call the ambulance and you get him the fuck out of here." I clenched my jaw in an effort to keep from exploding at him and glared at James the best I could from my crouch on the floor.

"Fine, I'm taking him to my house. You can come get your fucking boy toy tomorrow before my shift at the hospital." I spat, snatching a towel from the towel rack and tossing it across Jasper before I carried the semiconscious man past James' glowering form and out the door to my car.

/

Making dinner that night was akin to reenacting the civil war. I banged enough things around, slammed enough doors, and generally abused my cooking utensils enough to raise the dead. But not, I noticed moodily, the man passed out on my couch. _He's probably infecting the leather with STDs_ I thought harshly, knowing of course that that was impossible but pissed just the same.

It irritated me to say the least that James had taken it upon himself to assign me a take home project as it were. Didn't he know I had things to do? Like sleep? I worked long shifts at the hospital and had maybe one or two days off a week, I didn't have time to be wasting on some filthy druggy James had taken a fancy to. And yet, there he was, sleeping soundly ten feet away from me with the IV safely attached to his arm. It had been mildly difficult to hook it on my lamp so it would hang correctly but after a few minutes of fiddling it had worked. I frowned again and directed my glare to my silverware lying next to my now clean plate. The tarnished silver refused to move and that pissed me off too. I picked it up suddenly and threw it across the room to my sink. Both the knife and the fork clattered perfectly into the bottom of my makeshift basket, ten points to me.

/

Jasper—

The first thing I noticed upon regaining consciousness was the pain. It radiated through my whole body, making my muscles and bones ache and my stomach cramp painfully. _Withdrawal._ My mind supplied the word easily as it was a familiar feeling.

My eyes shot open and I was met with darkness deeper than I was accustomed to, I thought briefly that James must have covered the windows tonight. I bit my lip; that meant he was probably high, he always got paranoid when he was and did things like that. Fuck, that meant he would be ultra pissed if I woke him up. My mind flickered to the last time I had tried it and I unconsciously rubbed my left arm, my fingers caressing the slightly raised smooth bar of skin on either side. It was a peculiar scar, a perfect rectangle. It was one of the only scars I didn't have to hide when I went out because no one would ever guess that it was from a straightener. I shuddered remembering how badly that had hurt. Nothing, not even withdrawal, was worth that kind of pain. At least, I was pretty sure…

Before I could stop it a whimper escaped my lips, ridiculously loud in the silence of the room. Slapping a hand over my mouth, I shot a glance to my left to make sure I hadn't woken James who I was certain would be sleeping next to me like always. Except… he wasn't. That in itself wasn't that unusual, the fact that I was on a couch instead of a bed in an unfamiliar house was. Wearing, I noticed, a pair of sleeping pants that definitely didn't belong to either James or I.

I started to panic, my heart slamming hard against my ribs. I sat up and swung my legs over the edge of the couch despite my body's protests. I went to rise and was stopped by a burning jerk in my right hand. I hissed in pain and looked sharply over to it, noticing with confusion that there was an IV hooked up to it. _What?_ I wondered, the fear unaffected by this new discovery. Quickly I ripped it out, gasping at the sharp sting it caused, and staggered to my feet. I could see clearly that I was in an extremely nice, if austere living room with an attached kitchen facing me. The appliances were all huge stainless steel monsters that blinked at me from the darkness. There was a table shoved against the wall on the close side of the kitchen with only one chair beside it and even in my panicked state of mind I thought that was weird. What kind of table didn't come with four chairs? And who didn't even have a place for guests to sit? No one I wanted to meet I was sure.

My eyes followed the line of the counter to the doorway on the wall opposite me. It led into a perfectly dark hallway and I shuddered, no way was I going that way. My eyes shot right and landed on a huge sliding glass door. Perfect. I quickly crossed to it and unlocked it, pulling hard to open it. It wouldn't budge. I couldn't suppress a whine of terror. My hands scrabbled over the top of the door, looking for some catch or jamb. I could find none.

"You need a key." A voice said suddenly from behind me. I think my eyes actually rolled to the back of my head I was so frightened. I spun swiftly to face the other person, keeping my back plastered to the glass door. I didn't speak, just stared at him warily. He was tall with wide shoulders and narrow hips, leanly muscled if his arms could be used to judge the rest of him, and strikingly handsome. His eyes as they glinted out at me from the darkness were a bright green, filled with mockery now, and his hair was a pretty coppery color. All in all he looked like he belonged on the cover of a magazine. Surprisingly my first thought was that this was clearly his house. It was elegant and well put together, just like him. And my second thought was that if he was telling the truth, he was blocking my only way out by casually leaning in the doorway I had noticed earlier.

He must have seen my sudden spike in fear because he picked that minute to speak again, "I'm surprised it took you so long to wake up, you were out for a solid thirteen hours."

I didn't respond, didn't know what to say. The only reason I could think of for being in this man's house was to pay off some kind of debt James owed, that had happened a few times in the past. As beautiful as he was, the thought still made tears flood my eyes. I dropped his gaze and looked away, blinking them away before they could fall. Nobody liked an ugly whore and James had reminded me plenty of times that crying ruined my face. He had also made certain to remind me that ruining his business deals meant him ruining something equally important to me. And when all I had was my body… I shuddered remembering the things he had threatened and straightened my back. Slowly I turned my gaze back to the man in front of me.

"What," He said wryly, "you don't speak?"

"I'm sorry, I will if you'd like me to. What exactly do you want me to do?" He frowned at me, a look of disdain emanating from him.

"I want you to get the fuck out of my house, which, judging from your earlier attempts with my sliding door is exactly what you want as well. Unfortunately, until James comes to collect you I think we're both out of luck." He said dryly, watching me with his arms crossed. It was kind of unnatural how still he was.

"You don't want…?" I stammered, trailing off as I began to feel stupid under the man's gaze. He frowned.

"Want what?" I shrugged; perhaps he had already taken what he wanted. If I was high enough I might not have even realized it. He stared at me, waiting. When no answer was forthcoming he rolled his eyes. "You can't be feeling well." He stated, glancing at my forehead which I could feel had beads of sweat pouring off it. I shrugged again, not wanting to show weakness to this man who had yet to reveal his motive for having me in his house. No amount of discomfort and pain was worth risking James' wrath if I fucked up something with this man and he was somehow part of James' business affairs. And then my stomach cramped so bad it felt like a wild animal was attempting to claw its way out of me and I moaned, dropping into a crouch with my hands around my middle.

"Christ!" I heard. "Get into the mother fucking bathroom before you vomit on the floor or something." Rough hands grabbed me by the upper arms and pulled and I cried out, my eyesight flashing white as one of his fingers found the cigarette burn on my shoulder. It was new and it hurt fiercely when touched.

"What the…" Despite his earlier harshness the man released me immediately and his hands when they touched me next were exceedingly gentle as he carefully examined my shoulders to find out what my scream had been for. I cast a glance up at his face and saw intense concentration and a slight cloud of anger, I flinched back upon seeing it.

"I'm sorry." I murmured quietly. His brow creased in a frown which caused a deep line to appear in his forehead between his eyes. Apparently he did it often.

"Why would you be sorry?"

"You looked angry." I state hesitantly. He removed his eyes from my shoulder just long enough to sneer at me.

"Not at you." The answer was clipped and final and I was too afraid to ask him to elaborate. Instead I watched his delicate hands as they ghosted over me, cataloging my various bruises and bite marks. When his fingers reached the afore mentioned burn they stopped and hovered for a second like little birds over a branch. The delay was so long I felt the need to explain.

"It's a cigarette burn." I began awkwardly, "I…I was smoking in bed and…"

"Don't lie." He snapped, his voice holding enough anger to make me recoil from him. "Fuck! Don't move!" His yelling made me do the exact opposite, he reached for me and I couldn't help my flinch.

"What the fuck! You act like I'm going to bash your head in like some kind of crazy person!" He swore, glaring at me. And then his glare settled on my cheek where a nice dark bruise was flowering and it flattered.

"That's because you do think I'm going to… I'm not going to hurt you, I swear." I didn't respond, just kept watching him carefully. "My name is Edward." He tried, holding out his hand. I knew I should take it but I just couldn't bring myself to, not without knowing what he wanted. He withdrew his hand after a minute, his face darkening in frustration.

He looked away from me before he said: "Honestly, James has charged me with your wellbeing; I can't exactly beat you up when I'm supposed to be helping you." I frowned at him in confusion.

"James asked you to help me?" He nodded distractedly, reaching once again for my shoulder. I schooled myself carefully not to flinch and it worked, I barely moved when he touched me. Lightly he rotated my shoulder forward so he could get a better look. What he saw apparently didn't make him happy because he let go with an irritated flutter of his hands.

"I need light…" Seconds within saying it he stood and flipped a switch behind me near the door. Then his hands went back to my shoulder. "When did you get this?" He demanded.

"A week or two ago." His hands made another angry flutter.

"It's infected, badly. Didn't you ever clean it?" I shrugged. Had I? I thought about it. That night he had been drinking and he got mad because I answered the door for Laurent. He had yelled that I was shamelessly flirting with him on purpose to make him, James, angry. He called me a dirty whore and told me he was going to make it so no one wanted me. He burned me and then he took me into the bedroom and 'reminded me who I belong to' as he put it. The night had been spent sweating and crying on the dirty sheets of our bed and by the morning I was too high to remember I needed to clean it.

"No." His lips pursed in anger.

"Well it's formed an abscess." He snapped. I simply looked at him, unsure what that meant for me. "For god fucking sake, I'm going to have to get you something for it from the hospital today…" He looked lost in thought for a second and then his face clouded in anger.

"That means you're going to have to stay here another day." I couldn't help the whimper that escaped me at that thought. Another day here? Another day without heroin? As if to rub it in, my back chose that moment to have a spasm, reminding me that my body was starting to go into withdrawal faster and faster. I couldn't do this, there was no way. My whimper snapped him from his thoughts and made him really look at me for the first time all day. For a second something flashed in his eyes, recognition or nostalgia almost. It was gone so fast I thought I dreamed it. He stood, striding into the kitchen and picking up the phone.

"James, I'm keeping him." My stomach dropped when I heard his words and I sent up a silent prayer for God to help me. It was more a force of habit than anything; it wasn't like He ever listened.


	3. Chapter 3

Hey guys! Sorry about the long delay, I had finals these past two weeks and they kind of took me out of the game for a second there. Thank you all so much for your wonderful reviews! I tried to take your advice into account when I wrote the chapter and I hope it worked out. Thanks once again to my wonderful beta/pre-reader DreamingPoet1988. You are amazing!

AN: This chapter has been betad by DreamingPoet1988

/

Edward-

I woke up on my own at seven the next morning like I always did when I didn't set my alarm. Quickly and efficiently I ran through my daily routine and checked on my patient before deciding to run a few errands. My shift at the hospital today was a late shift, starting at five in the evening, which meant I had hours at my disposal to do with as I saw fit. I debated briefly simply reading the paper and having a chill morning but quickly decided against it. I had no desire to have James' fuck buddy in my house all day and that meant I had to get something to disinfect that burn stat.

I popped the last piece of toast into my mouth hurriedly and grabbed my keys from the shelf, breezing out the door and to my car quickly. I figured that the man sleeping on my couch would probably be out for a few more hours at least, considering the amount of sleeping medication I had given him just a few hours previously. I hadn't felt capable of handling hours and hours of being in his presence with him conscious and judging from how panicked I apparently made him he felt the same way. That being the case, sleeping medication had seemed like the best option. Still, there was no need to drag my feet and push my luck.

I had barely gotten in my car when my phone rang. The caller id had Bella written in bold letters across the screen and I smiled slightly, she had to be my favorite person in the world.

"Bells!" I greeted cheerfully after hitting the Bluetooth button on my steering wheel so the call would come through my car.

"Edward!" Her happy voice answered back. "How are you? Long time no see!" The last bit had a touch of accusation and I felt a brief pang of guilt for forgetting to call her earlier.

"I'm fine, how are you and Jake?"

"We're both good, busy with work and what not but good. Jacob finally got his shop opened up!" I could practically hear her big goofy grin as she talked. She was so proud of Jake it was almost comical. But then again, who could blame her when her husband was becoming so successful doing what he loved?

"I'm glad!" I said genuinely. "I'll have to swing by there and say hi!"

"Please do! It's been too long Edward I—" Her breath caught in her throat for a second while she debated changing her answer. Finally she seemed to decide against it. "I worry about you." I frowned, hating that she thought I was too incompetent to take care of myself.

"You don't need to," I snapped, "I do just fine on my own."

"I know you do Ed, its just… you're alone all the time. What if something happened? How do you not get lonely?" She finished softly. I clutched the steering wheel until my knuckles turned white to keep from sounding too goddamn frustrated.

"What could possibly happen alone Bella that couldn't happen with you there?" I demanded angrily. "And I'm not lonely, I tell you that all the time." There was a moment of awkward silence after I finished speaking and I could almost see Bella's crestfallen face.

Then: "I know Edward, I just can't help it. You're like my brother, I worry." I sighed and loosened my grip on the wheel, Bella meant well.

"I love you Bells" I said softly as a peace offering. She decided not to push anything today and took it.

"I love you too Edward. What are you up to today, not working until later I assume?"

"Not until five. I'm running a few errands, picking up things I need and then heading home to take care of some business before then."

"Business?" She questioned. I shrugged my shoulders out of habit before I remembered she couldn't see me.

"Yep, nothing big."

"Okay, well I'll probably stop by in a few days to say hi okay? Any day work better for you than others?" She asked. I ran through my work schedule in my head and quickly came up with a few free days for her.

"How about next Thursday, a week from now?" I suggested.

"Sounds good! I'll see you then!" She responded happily. "Bye Ed!"

"Bye Bells." I hit the end button on the Bluetooth and my music once again swelled to fill the car. Classical, my favorite.

/

I got home in under an hour and a half with all my groceries for the week and the medicine for the burn, impressive if I do say so myself. Like expected the man was still passed out cold on my couch and I woke him up none too gently by shaking his arm slightly. I barely had to touch him and he flew to the other end of the couch, looking like some kind of ruffled bird convinced the cat had cornered it at last. His terror was so great I almost felt bad for waking him that way.

"I brought the medicine for your shoulder like I said I would, let me see." He stared at me dumbly, still looking like he thought I was about to produce a knife from behind my back and kill him with it. "I'm not going to hurt you, I already told you that." I reminded him, arching an eyebrow at him. He held my gaze for a solid thirty seconds, seeming to judge the seriousness of my statement, and then nodded jerkily and moved towards me. Hesitantly he turned his body so that his shoulder faced me and his head was tilted away so I could work. The act looked like it cost him infinite amounts of effort and he literally shook in fear from being vulnerable so close to me.

"I'm going to touch your shoulder now alright?" I warned him calmly, as one would a skittish dog. My training was kicking in and I knew better than to startle him by not giving him a heads-up as to what I was doing. I waited for him to nod before continuing.

"Okay now I'm going to clean it a little bit, it's going to sting kind of a lot okay? So be ready." The only response was a resigned tensing of the man's shoulders. He hissed through his teeth when I began to carefully disinfect and clean the wound and bit his lip hard when it got to the point of me having to lance the abscess so the puss could drain out. Surprisingly he didn't complain once or cry out and I admired him for that. I had numbed the area of course but it still had to hurt quite a bit. After a solid fifteen minutes of work everything was done that could be done and I gently placed a bandage over the area to keep it from getting dirty again while it healed.

"You're done, good job." I congratulated, standing swiftly and stripping off the plastic gloves I had used. He looked up at me and caught my eyes before looking away quickly, whispering a thank you. He really does have the prettiest eyes, I noticed. I shook my head harshly to wipe out such thoughts; they were completely irrelevant anyway.

"Are you hungry?" I asked as I made my way to the kitchen. He hadn't eaten anything since I'd taken him to my place almost seventeen hours ago. He shook his head and I noticed with some concern that he was shaking.

"Are you alright?" I questioned, slipping back into doctor mode. He nodded.

"Yes I— can we please go back to James'?" He pleaded as he hugged his arms closely to his chest like a frightened child. My lip pulled back in a sneer of disgust and I couldn't help but glare at him. James obviously beat the shit out of him on a daily basis and yet this man was spineless enough to actually beg to go back to him. I couldn't help but ask the question that was burning to come out.

"What the fuck do you want to go back there for?" He looked surprised that I had asked, his wide eyes meeting my own for a second while he thought over an answer.

"I don't really I suppose." He said after a long pause. "I just really, really need another hit." His answer was so simple and yet so fucking stupid I couldn't help but roll my eyes.

"Another hit? You'd go back to that asshole for another hit? What, is it like a smack for some smack?" I mocked. He looked down, hunching his shoulders in embarrassment. The move made his dark bruises and shiny scars stand out all the more across his bare back.

"No really," I snapped, "enlighten me. I'd really like to understand. Do you think that he loves you? That he 'doesn't mean to'? Does he promise every time that it'll be the last time? I wonder, are you stupid enough to think you love him?" I was being an asshole and I knew it, jabbing the knife where I thought it would hurt the most and liking it. It was cruel, unnecessarily so, but I couldn't seem to help myself. The man in front of me didn't react at all like I expected him too. In fact, he really didn't react period.

"No." He said firmly, still looking down. "He never tells me he loves me. He always means to do what he does. And as for promises, the only kind he ever makes, are the ones he keeps with his fists." His answer was so unexpected I was shocked into complete silence.

The man used it to continue talking, his voice taking on what could only be described as a whimper: "Please, take me back. I have to go back." Throughout his speech he remained completely apathetic, seemingly unperturbed by how fucked up that was. I, on the other hand, couldn't contain my repulsion. It bubbled out of me in the form of a question.

"How could you do that? He'll kill you! You know that right? The injuries you have right now indicate a pattern of abuse that's escalating and your body won't be able to handle many more months of this treatment." I watched his face carefully to see how he would react to that. He shrugged.

"Heroin would kill me anyways without him." He reasoned calmly. "And besides, if it weren't for him his lackeys probably would have killed me a long time ago." He was so sure, so indifferent, that it made a cold stone of dread settle in the pit of my stomach. I didn't like it. With a start I realized that I had had the feeling in the past, sitting in the ER listening to a patient calmly and surely explain to me that just because they were saved this time didn't mean they wouldn't kill themselves just as soon as they were released. It was a sense of cold helplessness and the surety that the person across from you wouldn't be around long if they had any say in it. It wasn't that the man was suicidal; just that he honestly didn't see a way out of the situation he was in even when it was obviously killing him.

For a second a thousand questions flew through my head but I stamped them down. It was none of my business how he got to be James' pet.

"Alright then. Get in the car."

/

Jasper-

I stared at the bedspread critically, tracing the cum stains and the blood spots with my eyes and picking out any pattern I could to amuse myself. It was eleven thirty and for the first time in a long time I wasn't high. James had tried to shoot me up before he left this morning like always but I had refused, claiming I wasn't feeling well. He had given me a weird look but left it alone, thankfully not suspecting anything.

Of course to be fair, he couldn't have known it was because of Edward. He'd been coming every afternoon at twelve for the last three days to take care of my shoulder and already I didn't know what I would do when he stopped. For those fifteen minutes I was relatively safe, James didn't dare touch me in front of Edward. Probably because he couldn't afford to fuck up his business deal with him, whatever it was, by doing something Edward so obviously found distasteful.

Whatever the reason, Edward's presence was a ceasefire that I greatly enjoyed. Not to mention he brought me food and actually spoke to me. Between those three things those fifteen minutes were practically heaven. In fact, if James knew how excited I was for noon to roll around and Edward to get here he'd probably kill me in a jealous rage. But even so… my back cramped suddenly and I had to quickly make my way to the bathroom to throw up. The meager contents of my stomach emerged with the first heave and I had to remind myself over and over that I was doing this for Edward that I could get through another hour or so of withdrawal so that I could be sober when he got here. It wasn't like he ever expressly stated that he didn't like me being high but I could see that when I was disdain joined disgust in his eyes. I hated that.

I gagged a few more times and then straightened up, shaking. I leaned hard on the counter, brushing aside used needles to do so, and bowed my head to avoid looking in the mirror. I really hated mirrors, they no longer showed me a face I recognized anyway and it was creepy to realize I'd transformed into a complete stranger. Before I could contemplate it more I heard a knock on the door: Edward. I glanced at the clock and frowned, he was early and James wasn't home yet.

The knock came again louder this time and I bit my lip, my hands tightening around the edge of the counter. I wanted to let Edward in but James had told me the day I moved in with him that I was never to answer the door. Besides, hadn't I gotten the burn in the first place for doing just that? My desire to see Edward warred with my fear of James and for a solid minute I was frozen to the counter, unable to decide one way or another. It was the third round of knocking that made my decision for me. I could bear whatever punishment James decided to dole out but I couldn't bear it if I didn't get to see Edward today.

I sprang from the bathroom and out of the bedroom, yanking the front door open rather violently. The suddenness of it obviously shocked Edward because he stood there with wide eyes and a slightly taken aback expression on his face.

"Edward!" I greeted cheerfully, stepping back so he could enter.

"Hey." He responded, recovering himself and stepping past me gracefully. I admired the way he moved as he did so, it was fluid and elegant and nothing like the way James or I moved. James was all angles and sudden, jerky movements. He looked like some kind of large insect. I on the other hand, moved slower with a constant twitchy nervousness that this house had gifted me with. Edward made us look like broken marionettes.

"Here," his voice broke me from my thoughts and I found a brown paper bag being thrust into my hands, "I got you Burger King today, hopefully you like cheese burgers." I nodded enthusiastically, not wanting to admit that I felt too nauseous to eat anything at the moment.

"Thank you." I say as he nods, his eyes locking on my face and seeming to study it closely.

"You're not high." He stated rather than asked.

"Right." He hid his brief look of surprise behind a frown that pulled his eyebrows together and put a wrinkle in the middle of his forehead.

"James wouldn't give you a hit this morning?"

"He offered but I said no." I told him truthfully, studying the wall next to me so I wouldn't have to look at Edward. I had underestimated how hard it would be to have a conversation with him amidst the disaster that was my home when I wasn't high. It was uncomfortable and embarrassing and I felt disgusting. For the first time all morning I regretted saying no this morning.

"Why did you do that?" He questioned, sounding confused. I suppose that made sense considering I made him take me back to this hellhole the other day strictly to get another hit. I shrugged; not willing to tell him that I had thought it would make him like me more. For a second we stood there in awkward silence but then Edward took control and announced it was time to see to my shoulder.

We go into the bedroom like always and I sit on the bed, blushing hard in embarrassment now that I was fully aware of how disgusting everything was; of what he must think of me for living in it.

"Can you take off your shirt so I can see?" He prompted, pulling me back from my thoughts. I nodded quickly and stripped my t-shirt over my head, throwing it into the pile behind him. It wasn't until I heard his sharp intake of breath that I remembered the bite mark. James had given it to me last night as he pounded me through the mattress, sinking his teeth into the muscle of my shoulder as he came, claiming me painfully. If I hadn't been completely ashamed before I definitely was now. I squeezed my eyes shut and wished strongly for James to get home so I could shoot up. It was a mistake to be sober for this and I wouldn't be making it again.

/

Edward-

It turns out sober Jasper was almost as spacey as strung-out Jasper. Between the time he let me in the door to now—when I had to prompt him to take off his shirt so I could see the burn—he hadn't been mentally there for the vast majority of my visit. He looked uncomfortable and upset which immediately made me think that something had happened to him since yesterday that had caused such a change. A few broken ribs could make someone look that way. It was with these thoughts in mind that I watched Jasper remove his shirt.

I spotted the ugly new bite mark immediately. I gasped softly and couldn't quite suppress the look of disgust that stole across my face. The mark had to have been painful. It was in the muscle of his shoulder, deep enough for all the teeth to have broken the skin and created with enough force to cause bruising to radiate out from the teeth marks. Worse than all that was that the location and positioning of the mark was a clear show of ownership, his subjugation visible on his skin. The idea that someone would ever feel the need to demonstrate such violent dominance made me furious. I fucking hated power plays. If possible my gasp made Jasper even more upset, his shoulders hunched and he kept his eyes carefully pointed towards the floor.

"I'll clean that off too." I stated clinically in an effort to put us both at ease, getting to work on the burn mark first. My role as doctor worked to calm me down and my anger dissipated as I worked. By now tending the burn was so routine that I didn't even have to focus to do it. My fingers worked of their own accord while I talked idly with Jasper. Talking to him was a habit I had taken up the first day here. It was boring and awkward to silently treat him while James watched and so I chatted with him for lack of anything better to do. Most of the time our conversations revolved around the food that I brought him because we honestly had nothing else to talk about. I thought again that I had gotten really lucky when I had ordered too many tacos form Taco Bell that first day. Instead of throwing them away I had brought them to Jasper since I was going there anyways and the man looked like he could use a good meal. Little did I know they'd provide the conversation I needed to do my job, but they had and so I'd brought him food everyday just to make things less awkward. I wondered briefly where James was today but didn't care enough to ask. I liked it better now that he wasn't here.

And besides, with him gone it was finally possible to ask Jasper some of the questions I desperately wanted answered. He was sober for once and clearly wasn't comfortable here in this house which made me really want to known why he stayed.

"Are the drugs honestly worth this?" His head snapped up to look at me, confusion showing in his eyes. It was no wonder really; I hadn't mentioned anything like this since that last morning at my house. He seemed to ponder the question for a minute and then he laughed bitterly.

"You misunderstand." He explained seriously. "I'm not using my relationship with James to get drugs—even though it started out that way—I'm using drugs to escape this relationship. At this point its so bad I…" He cut off and took a ragged breath, completely lost in his thoughts. "I couldn't handle living like this if I weren't high for most of it."

I noticed with interest that he spoke with a high level of intellect now that he was sober, suggesting a fairly smart man hidden behind all the drugs he pumped into his system. I was intrigued. But, even more than that, I was confused.

"If you don't love him and it's not the drugs, why are you with him? Why don't you leave?" He laughed suddenly at that, the sound rather manic.

"And go where? I have nowhere, I'd starve or I'd end up as an even bigger whore than I am now. And that's if I got away, he told me he'd kill me if I ever tried." I looked away quickly, feeling like a dick for bringing up a stupidly simple solution he'd clearly spent a lot of time thinking about and couldn't make work. I was suddenly hit with a wave of fury for James, a knot of black rage lacing itself together firmly in my gut. Where did he get off making threats like that?

Before I could think of a response the garage door banged open across the house and we could hear James stomp in. Jasper immediately gasped and scrambled to pull his shirt back on, simultaneously putting as much space between us as possible. I attempted to school my face, so as not to betray my fury. Jasper had barely slipped the shirt fully on when James stormed into the room with a look of cold wrath painted across his face.

"I knew when I saw your car that you were here." He hissed at me, narrowing his eyes dangerously. I stood to face him, peeved that he thought he could intimidate me that way.

"Of course I am. Like everyday for the past three days." I snapped, my tone clearly implying that he was a moron. James eyed me for a few more seconds as if he wanted to say something but then turned away with a cold dismissal, focusing his eyes on Jasper.

"You and I will talk later." He told him curtly. His voice seemed to promise something darker than his words and I saw Jasper whimper softly. He pressed his body hard back into the headboard he was leaning against as if seeking strength from the wood, his eyes showing real terror. The whole situation gave me a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I couldn't shake the thought that somehow whatever was going to happen to Jasper was my fault.

"Edward, have you treated his shoulder?" James demanded to know, not breaking eye contact with Jasper in an obvious effort to scare and intimidate him. Seeing such a power play disgusted me and I wanted to punch him. Instead I bit my tongue, I had sworn I would protect James and that was the only reason I didn't deck him. The only reason I hadn't done it numerous times in fact. He and I hated each other anyway you cut it and it was only Keenan that kept us in a functioning business arrangement that didn't end in us brawling.

"Yes." I managed to get out.

"Good. Then you're done here. See yourself out." He dismissed me without looking and my eyes immediately flicked to Jasper once again as I headed towards the door. He looked terrified still, slow tears starting to track their way down his face, and I knew something bad was going to happen to him as soon as I was gone. I didn't like Jasper, didn't respect him, and certainly didn't owe him anything, but I still couldn't leave him to his fate like that.

"James." I said his name loudly and firmly in a way that demanded his attention. He turned to look at me in annoyance. For a second I couldn't find anything to say. My first thought was to threaten him with police involvement if I came back tomorrow to find another mark on his boy toy's body. I couldn't really do that however because James knew as well as I that I would never risk the police raiding James' place and finding something that could possibly lead them back to me. Thankfully that train of thought led me to a better idea.

"Come with me to my car, I have something for you." He looked annoyed and opened his mouth to refuse but I cut him off. "It's a new drug the hospital just got in, causes a pretty wicked high from what I've heard. I snagged you a sample to see if you were interested." He perked up immediately and nodded, following me out the door and to my car like I knew he would. Money was James' one real love in this life and he would drop everything else in pursuit of it. By the time he had taken the sample and we had talked things over I was reasonably certain that he had forgotten about whatever had made him angry. When the door shut in my face at the conclusion of our little chat I felt fairly confident that Jasper would escape whatever punishment James had been looking to deal out earlier.


	4. Chapter 4

Hey guys! I hope you all had a wonderful holiday season and thanks once again for reading my story! Thank you for all of the wonderful reviews, they mean a lot to me! Sorry it took me so long to update. Once again I want to give a big thank you to my beta/pre-reader DreamingPoet1988!

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

AN: This chapter has been betad by DreamingPoet1988

/

Edward-

If I hadn't dropped my keys into the middle of the bush in James' front porch area I would have been long gone before I heard Jasper scream. As it was, as I left I dug in my pocket for the keys to my car, flipping them up so I could catch them with my left hand like I always did. Except— me being infinitely smooth—they hit my hand dead center and bounced off, falling into the middle of the biggest, ugliest looking shrub I had seen in a long time.

I swore violently and bent down to fish them out, snapping branches as I none-too-gently worked the bush over. My fingers had just closed around my keychain when I heard a crash and then a drawn out, high pitched wail. I paused, listening carefully, and became aware of James shouting profanities at what must have been Jasper and Jasper's desperate cries of 'No!'. Whatever was happening sounded terrible and I almost, almost, felt bad enough to go in. But what could I do? Not only did I supply prescription drugs to James but he also knew that I carefully lifted them from the hospital; he had enough blackmail material to keep my mouth firmly shut. His stupid mother fucking boy toy was too goddamn dumb to leave him and—as unfortunate as it was that he was in this situation—it was none of my responsibility.

Resolved, I straightened my back decisively and started walking towards my car. Another jarring crash and screech drew me up short and I ground my teeth, swearing to myself. Since when was I so heartless that I could knowingly leave someone to be beaten and hurt the way I knew Jasper was going to be? I became a doctor to help people; my younger self would riot if that man saw me now. But then that whole thing happened with Keenan and… once he was gone it didn't matter anymore. Nothing mattered except honoring my promise to him. Except that I knew without a doubt Keenan would want me to help Jasper, even if it meant going against James. He'd probably never forgive me if I didn't.

"Fuuuuck!" I swore loudly, drawing out the word in frustration. I spun and stalked back to the house quickly, pounding on the door until I heard all noise within cease. Within seconds James was there, glaring at me from a slit in his door so narrow I couldn't even see a full half of his body.

"What Cullen?" He growled. Behind him I could hear quiet crying.

"I came to renegotiate the terms of our deal." I said coldly, refusing to back down from his staring contest. He blinked once in confusion and his brow furrowed in displeasure.

"Our deal functions fine." He snapped. I raised my eyebrow.

"I disagree. Would you mind letting me in so we can discuss this somewhere," at this I gestured to the open porch and the houses on either side, "a bit more private?" He glowered at me but relented, stepping back from the door just enough to allow me to squeeze by and into the hallway. The door shut with a slam behind me and I heard James lock it. Meanwhile all my attention was focused on Jasper who I could see huddled against the doorframe of the bedroom, his whole body shaking in nearly silent sobs. From where I was standing I couldn't see any new wounds on him but—

"So spill Cullen, what's the problem?" James' voice brought my attention back to him in an instant. He stood with his back to the front door, arms crossed in a way that made his rather impressive muscles bulge threateningly and allowed the few inches he had on me height wise to really show. His eyes were suspicious and his mouth was set in a firm line that promised punishment, were I to cross him. I refused to be intimidated and to prove it I leaned casually against the wall behind me, allowing myself to be trapped and showing clearly the fact that I was no match for him physically and yet that I didn't fucking care.

"I think its pretty obvious James that our arrangement requires me to take a lot of risks while you sit on your ass and rack in the profit." I started brusquely. "That, plus the fact that I always take care of your medical problems and emergencies and always cover your ass when you need it, means that you owe me. Big time." James' suspiciousness morphed to outright malice and he straightened his shoulders so he towered over me further.

"If you want a bigger portion of the cut Cullen then you can forget it. I can find another supplier that won't bleed me dry easily." He warned. I rolled my eyes.

"I don't want a bigger cut. Forty is enough. I want him." I jerked my head over to Jasper and noticed out of the corner of my eye that his whole spine stiffened and he stopped crying. I took that to mean he heard my words. At first James looked completely stunned. His mouth dropped open and his features lost all pretense of threatening. Then he started to smirk, his lips pulling back slowly to reveal a mouth that seemed to me to be overly toothy.

"I see: you two had a little personal time today after all. Knew he was lying. Fine. Deal. You can have him." He said, his eyes jumping with mirth as if he knew some kind of sick joke I wasn't in on. "Jasper, come here." He ordered. The man hurried to obey, stopping just out of arms reach of James. That didn't make James happy, he stepped forward and grabbed Jasper's arm hard, using his grip to throw Jasper my way and stepping out of the way of his fall at the same time. The shove made Jasper stumble and fall into my chest and I automatically caught him, the action shifting us so that we were standing in the middle of the hallway with our back to the front door. For a second his eyes met mine and I saw pure hatred, or at least the closest thing he could muster for being as high as he now was. Then he jerked away, straightening to stand by my side. I frowned, wondering what that look was for and more than a little pissed that he had managed to shoot up between now and the time I left the house ten minutes earlier. I noticed James and I had almost swapped positions in the scuffle, he was no longer in between myself and the door.

"There. He's all yours. Use him for the night, use him for the week. The only thing I ask is that at some point or another, you let me watch." He finished his words by literally eye-fucking me where I was standing and palming his crotch. I don't think I've ever been that disgusted in my entire life and I very nearly threw a punch, would have if I didn't want the man standing next to me.

"Fuck you!" I spat. "I don't want to use your whore James, not for any amount of time. I mean to say I'm taking him. For good. You'll never see him again." It was frankly amazing how quickly James' smirk left his face.

"The fuck you are!" In an instant he was furious, reaching out for Jasper, who was half huddling behind me after seeing the mood change in James, and trying to grab his arm. I stepped in between, using my body as a physical shield to separate the two.

"You owe me! This is my payment, you can't do shit about it!" I yelled, refusing to back down.

"You think you can just come in here and take him from me?" James shouted, his voice raising about ten octaves in two minutes. "He's my property!" I met his words with silence, keeping Jasper close enough behind me so that I could feel where he was and backing up towards the door. I could almost reach the handle by the time James realized what I was doing. Then all hell broke loose. He barreled sideways into the doorway of his bedroom and yanked open the drawer to his nightstand, pulling out a pistol. Jasper shrieked and hit the ground behind me, clearly afraid, and I found myself staring down the barrel of a gun.

"No one steals from me." James said coldly, cocking the gun. For a second I was torn over wither to wrestle him for the weapon or admit defeat. Then the reality of my situation caught up to me. I was standing with a gun barrel to my head after trying to save someone who appeared to need my saving. I had tried to help a victim of domestic violence and now it looked like I was going to be shot in between the eyes for my troubles. The irony and familiarity of the situation stunned me to the point of giving me flashbacks.

For a second I wasn't in James' house but back in a memory: _"How dare you touch my husband, you bastard!" Her voice was shrill and shaking but clearly contained a blind fury I had rarely encountered in my life. She cocked the gun and pulled the trigger in the same instant—_

I blinked and the image was gone, I was once again facing James.

The same thoughts must have flown through his head too because he was frozen as well, his expression morphing to mirror mine of surprise and grief.

For a second neither of us moved and then suddenly I knew exactly what to say: "Go ahead James; do it." I urged softly, meeting his eyes. "See how your sister handles another fucking closed casket funeral." His mouth twisted into a sneer and I honestly thought he would shoot me, half of me hoped he would. Instead he reached around me abruptly to open the door, making Jasper cry out at his sudden nearness. He didn't look at him, didn't take his eyes off me or lower the gun.

"We're even." He said stiffly, watching as I backed slowly out the door and down the driveway, herding Jasper behind me the whole way. I only broke eye contact once both Jasper and I were down the street and in the car.

/

Jasper-

It wasn't until we were fully away from James' house that I completely lost my shit. Before that point I had been absolutely positive James was going to shoot both Edward and me right there and be done with it. Half of me had been relieved that the pain would be over but the other half was furious that Edward had gotten me killed.

The shock of escaping with our lives, and even more so of James simply letting me go, was great enough to still my voice for a solid two minutes while I waited to see if he would come after us. Once it became apparent he wouldn't I was able to focus on other things and I began to full out panic. Edward had come in and taken over my life. He'd stated that he wanted me as payment for his debt, implying both that I was a possession rather than a person and that he now owned me, like he did his car. That in itself rankled me. True I had ceased to be a person to James and his lackeys long ago but Edward had always treated me differently. He talked to me, asked me things. He treated my wounds and was civil to me. I had thought… well I had thought Edward was my safe haven. When he was around I thought I was temporarily secure at least. I had rather started to believe him when he said he would never hurt me. But now… now I was his possession. Something he owned. Any thoughts about his character flew right out the window. He had pretended to be different so I would trust him and now he revealed himself to be just like the others. I had left one tyrant to go to another, but this one I hated far more. James at least had never pretended to be something he wasn't whereas Edward had pretty much stabbed me in the back. For the first time in months rage filled me and I was more angry than afraid.

"You're quiet." Edward noted dryly. My hands tightened on the dashboard in front of me and I whipped around to glare at him.

"What the fuck did you just do?" I screamed at him, shocking him with the unexpectedness of the action. His eyes widened and he looked away from the road in front of him for a solid minute while he stared at me and took in my form. I was furious with him, the emotion making my jaw clench and my knuckles white. I probably looked like a psychopath.

"I just saved your life." He ground out slowly, clearly trying to keep the anger I could see brewing in his eyes out of his voice.

"The hell you did!" I shrieked my tone slightly hysterical even to my own ears. "You just decided that you'd rather I belonged to you than to James! You just took me as a payment for his debt! What, you think you own me now? I never made any kind of deal with you! You can't do this!" I couldn't stay still as I talked, twisting in my seat and pressing my back against the door so hard I could feel the handle cutting into my skin. Good. The pain grounded me and kept me from loosing my head completely.

"I didn't—"

"What? You thought it'd be better if I trusted you more? If I felt safe around you? You thought you'd be nice to me as some kind of sick joke?" His expression was quickly going from confused to utterly shocked.

"I—"

"You're worse than James! At least I knew where I stood with him!" At that Edwards face shut down and he slammed on the breaks, bringing the car to a sudden stop along the side of the road.

"Get out." His words, so unexpected, made me freeze in my rant.

"What?" I sputtered.

"Get out! Get out of my car! I just thought maybe you didn't want your ass handed to you anymore but I guess I was wrong. Get the fuck out of my car." To illustrate how serious he was he reached over me and opened my door, making me almost fall out in the process.

"And go where?" I managed, my anger lost in a sea of confusion and growing fear. It was unnerving to have him cut off my rant like that and I grasped desperately at my anger, hoping it would give me something to combat the feeling that he had just knocked my feet from under me.

"The fuck if I know. Just get the hell out of my car." He snapped. "If you thought for one second I would like to 'own' something as pathetic and disgusting as you then you were sorely mistaken." His words hurt way more than they should have and I was literally struck dumb. He was right of course; I knew no one would want me. I was filthy both inside and out and my time with James had ensured that I was used goods. Still… Finally after a few seconds of him glaring at me I forced out:

"I have nowhere to go. James will kill me if he finds me out on the street." I waited for Edward to say he didn't care, waited for him to tell me perhaps that he hoped James would. When nothing was forthcoming I assumed it was implied and moved to get out of the car stiffly. I had barely managed to put one foot on the pavement when Edward's hand wrapped lightly around my arm. I jumped and he let go quickly, swearing to himself.

"Get in and shut the door." He demanded. I turned to look at him, judging if he was serious. He met my eyes dead on, looking seriously unhappy but sure of his words. Cautiously I did as I was told.

"Where do you want me to take you?" He asked, every word looking like it pained him as he tried to keep his calm demeanor. I shrugged.

"I don't know. City center maybe? I've slept under the bridges there before, they're pretty warm." He looked disgusted. For a solid fifteen minutes everything was silent and my nervousness grew and grew. Then he began speaking quickly in a clipped voice.

"Look, when I took you out of there I didn't really think about it okay? I didn't do it to fuck with you and I sure as hell didn't do it because I want to fuck you. Truthfully I don't want anything to do with you at all. But I took you out of there when you have nowhere else to go and now we have to live with that. So… I'm offering you a place to live at my house." Before I could respond he continued.

"First off, this isn't an offer that has any strings. I'm not going to make you pay me back or shit like that. You're not going to owe me. We can get it in writing if you want even. Second: there are ground rules. No drugs in my house, I know that'll be a hard one considering your lifestyle but I'm serious about it. You have to quit and you have to get into some kind of treatment program. In addition: no having people over. No stealing shit. No going in my bedroom. Understood? You have to promise me that you can follow all of those rules. If you can then the offer is yours to take or leave, I won't make you do anything."

I was stunned into silence for a minute. Living in his house sounded a hell of a lot better than living on the street if he was serious about the deal he was making me. It would suck getting clean but I had wanted to do that for a while now and I recognized that this was by far the best opportunity I could have ever hoped for. But then again… if he was lying about the deal it had all the potential to be worse than James… I thought back to how his face had looked when I had accused him of being more terrible than James and implied he wanted the same things. The look of disgust and offense there wasn't one I thought he could easily fake. I thought about how James would surely kill me if he or one of his men found me on the street and shuddered. I also thought about all my own failed attempts to kick my nasty habit. Slowly I nodded.

"Okay. Alright. I can follow your rules. I'll live with you." The words were loud in the dead silence of the car and I swallowed thickly. Hopefully I hadn't just signed my own death warrant.

/

Edward-

"Okay, then that's settled." I said firmly, half hating the fact that he had accepted the offer. I hadn't thought he would if I was being honest, I didn't think he would agree to get clean. He was currently high as a kite for God sake, what part of that pointed towards wanting to recover? Except that this high was different than his usual one and I could easily tell that. He wasn't nodding off for one and he seemed fully capable of having a conversation and making logical arguments. The difference peeked my curiosity and I had to ask:

"What are you on?" He started next to me and turned to look at me.

"What?"

"What are you on? It's not heroin." I stated blankly. He nodded slightly, more to himself than me.

"Morphine. I had shoved a few into my pocket a while ago and I took them when you and he went outside. I just… I needed them…" He sounded lost for a second at the end of his sentence and it made me think about what he had told me about needing the drugs to survive the relationship. It made sense that he would need some kind of high when he must have known he was in for a beating when James came back inside and I left. He didn't offer any further explanation and I didn't ask any more questions.

The rest of the ride to my house was spent in silence. Jasper seemed preoccupied with whatever was worrying him and I was busy thinking about how this living situation could possibly work out. I was a solitary person and my house wasn't built to share. Everything from the narrow hallways to the one bed the house currently contained screamed single occupant. Jasper would have to sleep on the couch in the living room which meant he would constantly be in my space, unavoidable whenever I wanted to watch TV or use the kitchen. I frowned thinking about it. That wouldn't be good at all; perhaps I would have to get a sleeping bag or something to put in the music room. That idea was quickly dismissed however when I imagined his filthy drug-using presence in the place I considered to be my only sanctuary.

More than likely I would have to convert the entertainment room into his makeshift bedroom for a time, I was pretty sure he could fit comfortably on the rather short couch in there. As I pondered everything I mentally ran through a list of things I had to do now that I had a houseguest. I had to run to the store and get him clothing and hygiene supplies. I had to stock up on food since I mainly only had single serving frozen food in the house. I had to make sure I made up a chore list and a list of rules. Oh, and I had to get ready to have a detoxing heroin addict raging through my house. That would be fun. Frankly the amount of work I had to do was staggering and I wished fervently that I had thought more before 'rescuing' Jasper from James. Surely there was some other way I could have gone about things? I sighed aloud quietly as the reality of the situation slowly started to sink in. This was going to suck. Big time. On the way home I swung by the grocery store and dragged Jasper inside to help me gather all of the things I thought he would need this coming week. I snagged water bottles, bread and peanut butter, NyQuil, Valerian Root capsules, Gatorade, chicken soup and that disgusting tea stuff they make for people to drink when they have the flu. Jasper by that point was still too lost in thought to notice the amount and type of things I was grabbing and so didn't comment, following me through the rows like some kind of obedient puppy. I was glad for that, no need to scare him by explaining exactly why it was necessary to purchase all these things. We checked out and quickly got back to the car to continue our journey to my house.

As soon as we parked in the garage and got inside I wasted no time showing Jasper where he would be sleeping and which rooms he should avoid entering. I went over ground rules again and gave him a rundown on how things were going to work between us (we're roommates basically, you do your thing I do mine and we don't have to interact). Once I was certain he understood the basics I relented, leaving him sitting on the couch in the entertainment room as I gathered extra blankets and an extra pillow for him to use for tonight. I also grabbed an extra pair of pajama bottoms and an old t-shirt as an afterthought and threw the lot at the man, gesturing at the bathroom so he could change. He did and when he emerged I was waiting with a huge glass of water and a peanut butter sandwich in hand. He looked slightly confused when I shoved both items into his hands.

"Thank you but I'm not hungry." He said softly, trying to hand them back. I crossed my arms over my chest stubbornly and refused to take them, shaking my head and regarding him coldly.

"You agreed to stop using while you're staying in my house. We're starting now." I said firmly. He raised his head to look at me through a curtain of grimy hair. His look was one part wary and afraid and one part honestly confused.

"Okay." He said slowly. "But I'm still not hungry." I frowned at his stupidity and the new challenge he had just made me aware of.

"You've never tried to quit before have you?" I hissed, pissed that this was going to be his first time. That wasn't good at all; he had no idea what he was up against. Most likely he would take back his decision to quit before he was even halfway through.

"Yes. I did. Several times before things got really bad but I—I never could." He admitted slowly, dropping his eyes and his shoulders in shame. His answer gave me pause for a second and made me think. Maybe this would be alright after all, if he really did know what he was going to have to endure to kick this. But then again: how many times had I been through this same thing with James? And that always ended up the same goddamn way.

"Then you know it hurts and you know it makes you sick and by all means you should know that what you eat and drink now before the last high wears off is going to be the last thing you ingest in a great while." I snapped rather mockingly, glaring at him. I would be more than pissed if he failed and went back to James, especially if it was because he was too stupid to follow my instructions. He didn't appear to have thought of that because he looked up as if startled that I knew so much and dutifully brought the sandwich to his mouth and took a large bite. I nodded in satisfaction and turned to see about getting him some NyQuil. Once he had eaten two sandwiches and drank an entire water bottle and Gatorade I watched him take the NyQuil and bid him a good night. I figured that everything would be okay until the next morning at least because he wasn't currently showing signs of crashing as of yet.

/

Jasper-

I was amazed at Edward's dedication to getting me clean. He woke up every four hours the first night to give me another dose of NyQuil, grousing that he didn't want to be cleaning my vomit off things later when I asked him why he did it. And then, when I did start to get sick, he stayed with me the whole time and helped me through it.

The first day wasn't too bad; it was nothing I hadn't been through before with James when he was angry. It was the following days that were pure hell. My body hurt like nothing I could believe and my mind was so consumed with the desire to use that I could think of little else. I was hardly aware of Edward most of the time and yet he was always in the back of my mind. I was too lost in my own agony to realize why he did what he did for me but I usually wasn't too out of it to realize it helped. When my muscles ached so badly I could hardly bear to stretch them out he did it for me, massaging them and helping me to the bathtub he'd filled full of hot water so I could soak. When chills tore through my body and left me shaking so bad I was certain I would fall apart he would wrap me in even more blankets and move me in front of the space heater so I would be warmer. He was the one who made me continue to take the NyQuil so that I wouldn't constantly be on my knees praising the porcelain god and he was the one who made me drink Gatorade constantly to make up for all the fluid I was losing incessantly. And, most importantly, when I wanted badly to give up and go back to James just so the torture would end he was the one who stopped me. He held me when I screamed, raged, and begged to leave so I could shoot up. He locked the door and hid the key so I couldn't escape in the rare moments that he locked himself in the bedroom and slept for a few hours. And when I cried and swore to god I was going to die he whispered in my ear that I wasn't, that I'd be fine. And so it came as a shock to me even in my semiconscious state when one day in the middle of it all he needed my reassurance.

I remember it especially clearly because it was one of those rare lulls that I occasionally got in which I could almost, almost, sleep. I hurt of course—my bones ached so badly I thought they were most likely rotting from the inside—and I still had the chills but I was actually doing far better than I had been for what seemed like an eternity. I heard him come in for the first time in what I thought was awhile (it was impossible to really know with the state I was in) and it must have startled him to find me curled up on the floor in front of the space heater, shaking, trying to sleep.

"Fuck!" He swore loudly and I heard him cross the room quickly to kneel beside me. He touched my forehead first as if checking for a fever and then very gently shook me.

"Jasper, are you alright? Say something please." He asked in the proficient, somewhat detached voice I had come to deem his physicians voice. I opened my eyes a crack and looked into his own green ones, holding his stare for a second before blinking mine closed again and nodding.

"S'good." I mumbled. "S'like sleeping." I couldn't see him but the snort he let out gave away the fact that he was probably smirking like he sometimes did when he found something especially ironic or amusing.

"If you say so." He stated wryly. "It looks uncomfortable." I ignored his words and voiced my thoughts as if he hadn't said anything.

"I miss it: sleep. Sometimes I think I want it more than another hit." He didn't interrupt and I almost thought he'd left before I felt his warm hand once again return to my forehead. To my surprise he smoothed the hair out of my eyes and gently tucked it behind my ear. I held my breath, waiting to see if he'd stop now that that was done. I hoped not, his warm touch felt good against my freezing skin. Sadly he pulled his hand back and I couldn't help but whimper at the loss. His breath hitched and I could almost feel his hesitation and indecision, then his hand returned to my head. His long delicate fingers wove their way through my hair and he left his hand there, idly playing with the locks. I sighed in contentment. For a second it was perfectly silent except for my teeth chattering and my occasional whimper when my body would experience an especially bad ache.

Then: "Jasper I need you to tell me if you want to be clean. I won't make you keep doing this if you don't want to, if you changed your mind." For the first time ever I thought I heard uncertainty in his voice. His question set me back, I had been doing this for what I thought was five days and now he decided to ask? I knew I had begged and pleaded with him before to let me go back to James but I hadn't meant it, I had thought everyone did that when they were quitting.

"I do, I think I can do it this time." I said in what I hoped was a confident voice. His fingers paused in my hair as if I had given an answer he wasn't expecting. Then he relaxed again and continued his motions.

"Are you sure? I know it's painful and I don't want to make you go through this—"

"Edward, you aren't making me do anything. I want to do this. You're just nice enough to help me." I assured him, opening my eyes so that I could meet his and he would know I was serious. He looked guilty of all things and I frowned.

"Really, I should be thanking you." I insisted. I tried to hide my wince from him as my back spasmed but he caught it anyway and worry entered his eyes.

"We could use Methadone, or Vicodin." He babbled. "I didn't want to because they're very addictive but we could to make it easier." I shook my head.

"No. I'm doing this. I've been doing this. Besides, it's like punishment for starting this shit in the first place." I argued. He didn't need to know that I was voicing aloud the same arguments I'd been having in my head since the start. He nodded slightly, seeing the resolve in my eyes, and I closed my eyes once more, trying to catch my first few hours of sleep in what felt like days. I couldn't though and he and I sat there until my urge to use the bathroom drove me to my feet an hour later. Within the day I was back to screaming for heroin once again.

/

Note:

Yay! Another chapter finished! The next one introduces Alice into the story and features a drug free Jasper among other things!


	5. Outtake

Hey guys! No this isn't the new chapter, sorry This is just an extra little scene I thought I'd put up now since you all have to wait so long for the next chapter. Sorry about that, I work thirteen hour days and then I go to school on top of that so I have literally no time to write or upload things. Sorry But the next chapter should be up within the week! Honestly!

Anyway, this has a graphic m/m sex scene so if that's not your thing skip this chapter. It won't take away from the story in anyway, it's just a little something to hold those of us who enjoy a good lemon through until the main story picks up a little bit in terms of the physical relationship between the boys. This section IS NOT BETAD (because I'm way way over eager and I couldn't wait to post it even though I know it would be tons better if I did)! Which means it will most likely be full of spelling errors, so be aware of that.

Love you all and please, please review this section! I would really appreciate some constructive criticism when it comes to writing this type of scene because I have really no experience writing sex scenes.

Warning: graphic m/m sex

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters used herein

Jasper-

"Jasper!" He hissed in warning, his hands balling in the collar of my shirt as he pulled me firmly away from him. "We're having dinner with my colleagues!" I smirked and raised my eyebrows, severely unimpressed by his argument.

"And right now we've excused ourselves to the restroom." I pointed out calmly, shrugging to show him that I really didn't give a fuck what his colleagues thought.

"We have to go back, it's not like we can stay back here and—" His words cut off in a sudden moan as my hand found his erection through his slacks. I groaned when I felt how hard he was and palmed him firmly through the fabric, rubbing up and down his length slowly to really get him going. I realized that my window of opportunity was slim and I had to get him too worked up to stop before his common sense got the best of him. And I really didn't want him to stop. It hadn't been fair of him to tease me like he had that morning; going to work and leaving me all hot and bothered and begging him to fuck me. And now I wanted him too badly to put up with this business dinner shit, I needed him now.

"So fucking thick Edward!" I breathed, resting my head against his jaw so he could feel my breath on his neck. "I want you in me so bad! Need you in me, need you Edward…" I murmured, gripping him as best I could through the fabric and simultaneously grinding my own erection into his thigh. He moaned, biting his lip to muffle the sound, and wrapped one hand firmly around the back of my neck so that it was cradled in his hand. The other went to the small of my back and pulled me closer, a sure sign that his desire was winning out over his need to keep up appearances.

"Jasper…" He breathed. I responded by moving my head so that I could kiss and nip at his neck, biting down hard on his jugular like I knew he liked. Sure enough I felt his neck muscles move in a silent gasp and his head fell back and to the side to allow me better access.

"I'm gonna make you feel so good baby." I whispered, punctuating my words with a harsh nip on the soft skin under his jaw line and demanding hands on his belt buckle. It didn't take me long to work that free and I already had the belt undone and was preparing to pop the button on his pants when his hands stopped me.

"We're in a public hallway Jay!" He warned as his eyes darted to the door to the kitchen on our left and the people visible at tables down the hallway to our right.

"Then we better get the fuck out of here fast," I said seriously, "Because this isn't going to wait long."

"Car?" He suggested breathlessly, his cheeks flushed and his hair marvelously messy. I snorted.

"Fuck that, no fucking way I'm waiting that long for your dick!" He rolled his eyes at my language but the sudden spike in the lust in his eyes proved he wasn't really frustrated. I shrugged.

"You shouldn't have teased me this morning, I told you I couldn't wait." He snorted a laugh and then suddenly placed his hands on my hips and lifted me clear off my feet.

"Shit!" I yelped in an undignified manner, my hands scrambling to find purchase behind his neck and my legs coming up to wrap securely around his waist. "Put me down!" He chuckled, the vibration spreading through my chest where it was pressed up against his.

"You said you couldn't wait so…" And with that he was walking us the few feet to the bathroom and pushing open the door with his back. He spun as soon as we were in the door and placed me on the counter, shoving me backwards forcefully so that my back slammed against the mirror and he was positioned directly between my legs. His carefully placed hand behind the back of my head kept me from smashing it against the mirror as he roughly crashed his lips to mine and captured my mouth in a demanding, passionate kiss. His other hand kneaded my thigh firmly as my hands reached up and tangled in his hair, pulling harshly as I rocked myself against him, using him as leverage to slide myself back and forth across the counter. Despite how rough he was being the hand cradling my head never tightened its grip, the gentleness and caring reassuring me that this was Edward and that his domination was different than James'.

"Lock…" I muttered against his lips as I stretched my arm as far as it would go to bat the lock of the door closed. That done I once more attacked the button on his pants. I popped it open and yanked down the zipper so I could free him from both the offensive slacks and the boxers he wore underneath. I literally fucking whimpered when his thick length sprang free. The sound would have been embarrassing if not for the growl it produced from deep in Edward's throat.

"Fuck that's hot." He hissed as his free hand made quick work of my own pants. "As much as I'd love to fuck you on the counter love, we don't exactly have the time for that." He murmured, moving me so that I was on the edge of the counter and dropping to his knees between my legs. The height was so perfect I almost wondered if Edward had done this kind of thing before, his head was in the perfect position to take my cock into his mouth and the view it gave me was spectacular. I could see both his red swollen lips stretch to fit around my length and his lust filled eyes as they flashed up at me from underneath the messy fringe of his bangs. That alone was almost enough to make me come and I moaned loudly and fisted a hand roughly in his hair as he took me in quickly all the way to the hilt. He hummed and swallowed around me in response to my moan and quickly began to bob up and down, using the flat of his tongue on every downward motion and taking extra care to lick the slit whenever he came to the head of my cock. Edward was fabulous at blowjobs and it didn't take long until he was swallowing around me while I came explosively down his throat.

"Fuck fuck fuck Edward!" I hissed unintelligibly, yanking him up by his hair almost before he could finish cleaning me off with his tongue. He protested briefly with a glare that I ignored in favor of crashing my mouth over his and tasting myself on his tongue.

"Fuck baby you're good at that." I gasped. He smirked, quirking an eyebrow at me as if to ask if I just figured that one out. I shook my head and laughed, placing a quick kiss on his lips before I sank to my knees to return the favor.

That's all you get for now folks! Hopefully you liked it, I'm sorry if its bad but its my first sex scene and I didn't know how to make it better. But if you know how I can improve it next time then be sure to tell me via a review! Or if there is something in particular you'd like the boys to do, let me know that as well!


	6. Chapter 5

Hey guys! Thank you for all of the reviews for the outtake, I really appreciated them! By the way, the outtake was just kind of something that was stuck in my head as a potential scenario for their future, not an absolute. I still haven't decided how their relationship is going to turnout so don't put too much stock in it. I apologize for the long wait for this chapter, I'm a full time college student with a job and two internships so my time is taken up with other things usually. This chapter starts out a little weird with the dream but hopefully I explained it well enough for it to make sense. Also, this one isn't betad so if it has really obvious mistakes, that's why. Love you all!

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters

/

The first part of this in Edwards view… it's a dream that he's having that keeps alternating between his memories and events that he's just dreaming. Memories are all written _like this_ and dream sections are in regular text. Just like in real dreams (mine anyway) the sections all flow together in the dream, indistinguishable to the person dreaming. The tenses change as well, just as another indicator that it's shifting from dream section to memory and vice versa.

/

Edward-

_The jar shattered at my feet in an explosion of glass and marinara sauce, the sauce shooting out everywhere so that it splattered the lower half of all our counters with red, making it look like we nuked a dog or something in our small kitchen. _

"_Edward!" His voice rang out, his hand closing around my upper arm to steady me as I rocked backwards as if physically struck by his words. I didn't respond, rather just kept my eyes locked on the icy blue ones of Keenan across from me. _

"_How could you do this to me?" I whispered, tears clogging my throat and making it difficult to breathe. _

The scene changes and suddenly I'm being shoved backward forcefully by a massive wall of people as I struggle to worm my way through the crowd to follow Keenan, who I can just barely see several people in front of me.

"Keenan!" I call out, but he doesn't stop, doesn't even look back.

"Keenan wait, please!" I cry, scrambling after him. But I'm not as strong as Keenan and there are too many people in the way. Every time I push one away another is there to take their place and my lover just keeps working his way farther and farther ahead. I'm desperate at this point and start shoving people violently out of the way but even that isn't helping. Soon I have to look down to help up one of the people I push over. When I look back up I can't see Keenan anywhere in the crowd. Panicking, I spin around to try to go backwards, to at least escape the crushing mass of humanity. When I turn, there's Keenan.

"_Edward, I think I love you." He said softly, his fingers ghosting over my lips as he said it. We were sitting in the back of his pickup in the middle of the woods like we always did, watching the stars and eating marshmallows straight out of the bag since we both hated them toasted. He had just finished telling a ghost story, even though he knew I hated them, and I was pressed up against his side trying my hardest not to be scared. His words effectively drew my mind from any fear I might have held. _

"_You love me?" I questioned, my heart leaping into my throat to the point where it made it pretty hard to breath. Keenan nodded solemnly and I couldn't help myself, I leaned forward and kissed him hard on the lips. _

Suddenly I'm at work, standing in the middle of the ICU looking at a patient chart. Car accident, suspected spinal injury. Dr. Robin walks by and nods curtly and I suddenly become aware of a voice calling me to my left.

"Dr. Cullen!" The voice shouts, growing louder.

"Are you listening to me?" I turn and see Barb, the senior nurse practitioner standing right next to me.

"_Of course I'm listening Angela." I said dully, not bothering to so much as meet her eyes. She shook her head angrily and knelt down to be face level with me where I was sitting on the bed. _

"_You aren't Edward," She claimed urgently, "You haven't once since Keenan—"_

"_Don't talk about him!" I said coldly, my eyes flashing up to meet hers for the first time all day. _

"_I have to!" She nearly shouted in frustration, "You're wasting away in this room! You haven't left in nearly a month! I understand that what you're going through is tough but you may not give up!" _

"_Shut up!" I shrieked, cutting off her words by throwing my bedside lamp into the wall hard enough to break the plastic base. _

I'm not surprised this time when I find myself somewhere new. The Ferris wheel arches several hundred feet above my head, much larger than any I've ever seen before, and the beach stretches out for miles to either side of me with a few abandoned booths scattered here and there, lending a creepy effect. My car sits behind me back at the edge of the road and I turn to it, the door opens and…

_The men very carefully unloaded the long box from the back of the car, being careful not to jostle it too much. They carried it down the carpeted isle and to the waiting space at the front of the gathering where they gently lowered it into position. The wood was black and I found myself thinking idly that Keenan hated black, that it would jar him to know they had employed it for this particular purpose. Similarly my yellow sunflowers, his favorite, would look garishly out of place on top of such a dark background. I frowned and glanced to James to see if he was having similar thoughts. His face was down, shadowed by his hair, and the only thing I could really tell about his emotions wasn't painted on his face at all but rather explained by his hands. Slowly and deliberately he was crushing his flowers to bits. I focused on that so I wouldn't have to see them lower the box into the ground. _

_It's only for two years._

I'm on a beach, staring hard into the ocean, watching the waves break over the shore.

_Promise me you'll take care of James and Bella._

"What?" James demands, glaring at me. I shrug, not remembering what it was I had to say. James rolls his eyes and blows a bubble, it pops with a loud

_Bang! The gun is infinitely loud in the quiet space_.

Now I'm floating at the bottom of a lake looking up. The sunlight shatters over and over into a thousand different beams as it hits the surface of the water, filtering down to me in thin, murky rays. I can see Bella and my family up there above me, looking down. But they don't reach for me.

"_I love you." I whispered softly, brushing a stray lock of hair off his forehead._

Except when my lover turns around to look at me, its not Keenan but the druggy—Jasper—sharing my bed.

~ End dream

/

Edward-

I jolted awake with a choked sob and had to bury my head in my hands for a solid minute before I could get my breathing under control. I was confused, I hadn't had that nightmare in over a year and all of a sudden it was back in force, all the different pieces playing in the same old jumbled order. Except of course, for the very end. In years past the last scene of my dream had been a memory, now everything was the same except instead of Keenan, Jasper made an appearance.

I didn't know if I was more angry that he had triggered the nightmare in the first place— after an entire year free of it—or that he had infiltrated said nightmare and taken the place of Keenan in my memory. Either way I was royally pissed.

"Fuck!" I swore, slamming my fist on the mattress next to me. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!"

I regretted taking Jasper in for numerous reasons; the fact that I had no idea what to do with him now that he was here was just one of them. But mostly (and this made me furious with him) it was because he had Keenan's eyes. I absolutely could not see those eyes filled with pain, fear or sorrow. And so, when he had been sick and detoxing in my house last weekend and I looked into his eyes by mistake, I was forced to come to his aid in anyway I could. That included not only doing everything medically possible to make him more comfortable but also being exceedingly nice to him. I had held him tight to my chest when the aches in his muscles got too bad to bear. I had rocked him soothingly as he cried into my shoulder. I had restrained him as gently as I could when he raged mindlessly and tried to do things that were potentially dangerous to him.

All in all, by the end of last weekend I had devoted more time touching and caring for him than I had to anyone else in over three years—including my family. It made me angry. And now this, this perversion of my dream, it was very nearly the last straw. I wanted him out badly. Frustrated, I gritted my teeth harshly and flopped down on my back, immediately throwing myself onto my stomach. I buried my face in my pillow with excessive force really, wishing I could smother the thoughts in my head. Eventually, I fell asleep that way.

/

Jasper-

Adjusting to life without heroin was a lot harder than I ever thought it could be. The urge to use was constant naturally but that wasn't the problem. The real issue was that I simply didn't remember how to live like a normal person. It had been nearly three years since I'd managed to function in the world completely sober and almost a full year of me living under the dictatorship of James. I had no job or schoolwork I could do, no hobby I had kept up with to pass the hours. I couldn't even go out and visit someone because I hadn't had contact with anyone in years.

Day after day I was bored out of my mind and I could never shake the feeling of being completely and utterly lost in life. It was as if I was cut loose from everything that usually kept a person connected with the Earth and now I was living as a ghost or something, I hated it. Every morning I woke up and instinctively expected to feel James' breath on the back of my neck or his hands on my body. Not finding him both relieved me and unsettled me. I didn't miss him, not at all, but I had no idea what to do with myself now that he wasn't there to tell me. Edward helped with that some when I was still detoxing because he gave me a ton of things to do that kept me busy. He made me run for at least thirty minutes a day in the mornings and he made me eat a good breakfast; both things that helped me get better faster and gave me something to concentrate on. But that was as far as his help extended.

At first I had hoped he would be my friend, my roommate at the least if he couldn't stomach that. I learned quickly that that wasn't in the cards for us though. He didn't want anything to do with me. A few days after I was officially clean and Edward had resumed work I finally stopped hoping for it. All our conversations since Edward started going back to his job had been short, me giving up in the face of his cold, clipped responses to my hesitant questions. The last one however was ironically the one in which Edward said the least and I heard the most. It happened in the kitchen one night after he'd worked a dayshift at the hospital. He was inhaling food at the table and I was leaning nervously against the counter nearby, watching him.

"How was work?" I asked, trying to get him to talk. He looked up from his food just long enough to glare at me.

"What does it matter to you?"

I shrugged, unnerved as always by his icy tone.

"I just… I thought it would give us something to talk about." I said lamely. He snorted.

"And why the fuck do you think we need to talk? We aren't friends Jasper, just because I helped you doesn't mean we have to be."

The words hit me like a slap to the face and I heard my breath catch in my throat before I could escape the room. I finally understood what he'd been trying to tell me for the last few days: he didn't want anything to do with me. He was a good man and a good doctor but now that I'd been saved he wanted absolutely no contact with me. And why would he? He was handsome, smart, successful and talented. Why would he choose to associate with someone as filthy and worthless as me? Finally I heard his message loud and clear and so from then on I kept my mouth shut. But I still ran everyday for as long as I could before my frail body couldn't take it anymore.

Most the time that was only for a measly half mile, something that I was ashamed of beyond belief. At one time I had been a star swimmer and cross-country runner, my body in tip-top physical shape. Now running was akin—if not worse— than trying to breathe quicksand and I felt like I was about to start losing body parts as I went along like a bloated corpse. Gone was my fluid grace from younger years, now I shambled and labored like an old man going to bingo night. It killed me. And yet it was something for me to do. And that mattered most of all.

Most helpful to me by far were the NA meetings Edward insisted I go to as a condition for staying with him. I liked going there and interacting with all the people, it was fun. They all had different stories to tell, all of which shared similarities with mine, and a few of which actually sounded comparatively bad. I met people there that didn't seem to think I was worthless and I loved that: even though I had to constantly remind myself that they didn't know my story. And—in order to keep my new friends—I never told it to them. I couldn't bear to lose them when they realized I was a loser and a failure and a whore: that I was so so dirty. I didn't want them to know how tainted I really was. Whenever it was my turn to share in group I always talked about my early years of using and skipped over the part where James entered the picture as anything more than the supplier to my dealers. And my façade worked, I made friends.

I got a sponsor who I really liked and who I really clicked with and she and I talked a lot after the second meeting. Her name was Alice, Ali for short, and she was everything I wasn't: talkative, outgoing, and funny. She had boundless energy (so much so I occasionally wondered if she used speed) and she gave me lots of good ideas about how to keep myself busy. And so it was only natural that after two weeks of being sober, lost, and lonely, I called Alice when I finally cracked.

/

Edward-

I remained angry at Jasper for almost two weeks, until the night I heard him on the phone with his sponsor. I didn't hear the beginning of it, just the middle when I got up at around 2am because I woke from a nightmare. Ironic really, how now that he could sleep I couldn't. I'd been plagued by nightmares nonstop since Jasper had entered my house. The sound that drew me from my room was sobbing, something I hadn't heard since he got clean. I debated ignoring it and going back to bed but I couldn't. My nightmare had left me emotionally drained and more exhausted than I had been when I had gone to bed. Truth be told, I had to blink back tears to keep from crying myself and it just seemed natural for me to comfort him. I noiselessly climbed from the bed and padded down the hall, expecting to find Jasper in his makeshift bedroom. To my surprise the room was empty and so I followed his voice into the kitchen. He was there, thin forearms resting on the wall by the sliding glass door, head resting between them with his forehead pressing into the plaster. He was facing away from me so I couldn't see his face but his posture radiated pain and helplessness. I hadn't seen him look so desolate since I left him crying on the bed he shared with James all those weeks ago. His stance echoed one featured in my nightmares: Kennan's after he lost his job. I could almost see that memory play out, see myself cross to him and wrap him in my arms. Except I knew that when he turned around this time it wouldn't be Keenan in my embrace at all, and that would hurt more than I could handle. Jasper's voice snapped me from my thoughts.

"It's just so hard Alice, I feel so helpless. I can't do anything useful! I clean and he doesn't notice, I cook and he eats it as if its one of his frozen TV dinners! Nothing I do matters!" There was silence, presumably because the other person was talking, and it allowed the shock of his words to sink in. I didn't understand why something like that would bother him.

"Yes that's true."

"No he's never asked me to do anything."

"Yes Alice but…" this time it was clear that the pause was to allow him to gather his thoughts, "I almost wish he would Alice! I wish he did want me to suck his dick or sleep with him! Then at least I'd be doing something!" Jasper pulled the phone away from his ear as if Alice, whoever she was, had begun to scream at him. She probably had: God knows I would have had someone told me that crap. He wanted me to sexually abuse him? He must have more issues psychologically than I had thought. I made a mental note to get him to see a shrink sometime soon.

"I know!" He snapped, pushing off the wall in obvious frustration and beginning to pace. I quickly leapt behind the wall so he wouldn't see me.

"You don't understand." He said much more softly, almost too softly for me to hear. "At least if he wanted sex he'd want me somehow. It's hard to live in a house with someone who sees in you all the horrible things you see in yourself, and hates you for them." His words struck me like a physical blow. He thought I hated him? He thought I saw in him irredeemable flaws? I almost laughed. If he and I were to be measured against one another in a contest I would be deemed the greater of the two evils. That I was sure about. Despite what society would claim, he was the better person hands down. At least he had begun to face his demons. Alice must have tried to convince him to stop being so self-loathing because his next words were a whined:

"He does Alice, he doesn't even like talking to me." I pushed off the wall before I heard his next response to her, it wasn't a conversation meant for my ears anyway and I had eavesdropped long enough. I debated briefly going in to comfort him but quickly decided against it; it sounded like tonight he needed Alice. And come tomorrow, I would have to make some changes.

/

Jasper—

I woke up the next morning in a really rotten mood, I hadn't gotten off the phone with Alice until nearly three am and it was four am by the time I fell asleep. Considering it was currently nine, I was functioning on five hours of sleep and several cups of coffee and I hated life. The house was cold, I desperately wanted a hit, and Edward had once again left before I woke up. I was just about to give up and go back to sleep when I happened to notice something white stuck to the otherwise empty fridge door. It hadn't been there before and I was curious. I could hardly believe my eyes when I got close enough to read:

'Jasper-

Had an early shift this morning at the hospital,

should be back at 5pm. Thanks for the pasta

you left in the fridge: hope you don't mind that

I took it for lunch.

-Edward'

The note was simple and yet huge for me. It was the first time he'd voluntarily acknowledged me in over a week. I was ecstatic. My shitty day became extraordinary in a flash and I flitted around cleaning all day, holding my breath for five to role around.

I heard the key turn in the lock before he entered—that's how tensely I was waiting—and I used my forewarning to suck in a few deep breaths, trying to calm myself down a little more before he entered the room. It kind of worked and I was pretty confident my outward appearance at least radiated self-assurance by the time he rounded the corner into the kitchen where I was carefully slicing vegetables.

"Hello." He greeted me politely, setting his things down on the table and flopping down into the only chair. "How was your day?" I was so startled that he actually chose to speak to me of his own accord that I brought the knife down solidly on my finger, yelping as I did so. He jumped up as the sound passed my lips, running a slender hand through his bronze hair as he did so, the color in the light momentarily more distracting than the now bleeding mess that was my ring finger.

"What'd you do?" He demanded, his doctor tone firmly in place immediately. I frowned, bit my lip, and stared at my bleeding digit. Carefully I cradled it in my other hand, trying to both slow the bleeding and keep it from getting blood all over the food.

"Just nicked it a little," I whispered softly, unable to believe I was that much of a fuck up. I couldn't even handle the man speaking to me without slicing off a part of my body? Really? "It's not that bad."

I cursed myself for ruining the chance he had randomly decided to give me, surely he would regret it now.

"Rinse it off and let me see." He urged, moving around the counter so that he was standing right next to me. I obediently did as he said. He watched and nodded silently from his position beside me.

"You're right, it's not too bad. Bandage it and apply pressure, it's going to try to bleed a lot." I nodded and silently obeyed, taking the Band-Aid he pulled from his bag and carefully wrapping it around the cut.

"So…" He tried again after that was all said and done, "you never answered my question, how was your day?"

"Good." I stated slowly, warily. His mood change was sudden and I worried that he had some ulterior motive I wasn't aware of. I settled myself so that I was leaning partially against the counter facing him as he once more resumed his position in the chair. The way my body was angled allowed me to appear to be politely listening but also left me a wide angle of escape past the table, the man sitting at it, and out the door. If he noticed my stiffness or the nervous way my hands fluttered as I tried to find something for them to do he didn't mention it and the rest of the night passed uneventfully. Despite my worries he seemed to have no other motive than harmless chatting, him doing most of the talking in an effort to make me less nervous. Finally—as he rose to go to bed—he revealed the reason for his sudden change in attitude.

"I feel like I've been pretty unfair to you Jasper these past few weeks, it's not polite not to talk to someone one lives with. I'm sorry. I'm just… not used to being around people I suppose. In situations other than emergencies that is." He apologized somewhat awkwardly. I could tell it took a lot for him to say that he was in the wrong. I nodded, my eyes wide and dumbfounded.

"It's fine. You haven't been unfair." I assured him. He shook his head, the material of his white shirt pulling tight across his toned chest as he crossed his arms.

"No. I have been. I'm a cynical, bitter person Jasper. And I know that that makes me difficult to live with sometimes. I can't really change but… I'll do my best not to be as terrible as I have been." His tone was serious and I ducked my head so he wouldn't see the grateful tears that built in my eyes. It was almost like he had read my mind these past few weeks and knew that I couldn't take much more of his coldness. I nodded without looking up and heard him leave the room a few seconds later. It took me forever to fall asleep that night.


	7. Chapter 6

Hey guys! I apologize that this is so late in coming once again but here it is! No beta so you'll have to suffer through my poorly edited work, sorry! Thank you all so so much for your reviews! I love them and they really encourage me!

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.

\

Jasper-

Sunlight jolted me awake suddenly and I sat up with a start, panicking as my brain tried to place where I was. Tall arching ceiling, beige walls, huge bed… the memory clicked into place after a few seconds and I leapt up, worrying my lip between my teeth as I double checked to make sure Edward wasn't home yet. After listening carefully for a few minutes I sighed, he wasn't in the house, I would know if he was. Slowly I stretched out my stiff muscles, reaching high above my head and grabbing one wrist in my other hand to pull my arms even higher. The stretch felt wonderful and I rolled my head to make sure my neck got the same treatment. Satisfied at last I slid off the edge of the bed and let my feet touch the wood floor, hissing as my skin came in contact with the cold. Don't be such a baby Jasper, I chided myself mentally.

Carefully I bent and touched my toes, grabbing them firmly and holding the stretch for thirty seconds to really warm up my muscles. After I had counted to thirty and let out a deep breath I straightened up, swinging my arms out slightly as I did so. It was a dumb idea, I should have known I was too close to the nightstand. My arm swung out, grazing the edge of the bedside table, and knocked a pen to the ground. I swore and immediately bent down the retrieve it. If I didn't want Edward to know I had been secretly sneaking into his bed to sleep during his shifts at the hospital then I really couldn't leave it where it fell. I frowned, a large worry line appearing between my eyes, when I couldn't find it anywhere. I let out a breath in anger, squatting down on my haunches so I could run both hands over the floor, looking everywhere I could think of to find it.

Still nothing; I judged it had to have rolled under the bed. Getting onto my hands and knees helped get me to the level I needed and soon I was laying with my chest flat to the floor, butt waving in the air, as I strained to reach the pen from the angle the bed would permit my arm to fit in at. I felt nothing at first and then my fingertips found a smooth shape and I perked up a bit. Carefully I worked my fingers around it, frowning when I realized it wasn't the pen, but still intrigued. Slowly I slid it out from under the bed, inching it out until I could clearly see it. It was a shoebox, unadorned but heavy like something was in it. Curious, I sat down with it between my legs and gently worked the lid off, noticing as I did so the thick layer of dust covering it. I couldn't stop the small gasp that escaped me as my eyes ate up the newly revealed contents. Pictures, dozens of pictures and even a few framed ones.

The one on top was one such anomaly; a simple elegant frame surrounded a picture of my rescuer with his arm wrapped protectively around an extremely attractive man. For a second I wondered if Edward had a twin, the bronze-haired man in the photo looked nothing like him. The Edward in the photo was smiling, a real smile that I had yet to see on his face once since meeting him, and it made him look a hundred times nicer and more inviting. His hair was messy and longer than it was now and his whole general body stance radiated happiness and ease. The hard lines around his eyes were gone and he looked years younger, even though the calendar behind them proved the picture was only a little more than three years old. I didn't have to wonder what had happened to change him from the happy young man in the photo to the sober person I now knew. The way his body leaned into the other man clearly stated that he was the reason for all his happiness, for the smile on his face. I hadn't seen that man around since I'd been here and it was obvious even to me, an outsider, that he was what was missing. The man was taller than Edward and built bigger in the shoulders and chest area. His arm, as it clutched Edward to him tightly, was corded with lean muscle and you could almost see the cut of his abs through his tight t-shirt. He was smiling hugely, exposing deep dimples and laugh lines and making his blue eyes sparkle at the camera. He was fucking gorgeous, even gave Edward a run for his money. I shivered. As beautiful as he was, he reminded me of something unpleasant and I felt a tremor of unease go up my spine. Confused, I studied the man closer. He had a straight nose, defined cheek bones, a strong jaw line… His hair was jet black and curled adorably near the nape of his neck, hanging down slightly into his eyes on his forehead… Overall nothing overtly threatening… Then it hit me, the man kind of looked like James. Not a lot, just a little in the shape of his eyes and the cut of his chin.

I shrugged, knowing made the discomfort disappear and I slowly began to thumb through the photos, fascinated as each one showed me a side to Edward I had never seen. There was Edward sitting at the piano, his back to whoever was taking the photo. There was Edward graduating college and Edward making goofy faces at the camera. There was Edward in the snow, bundled in a warm coat and safe in the arms of the mystery man again. The man was in almost every single photo, smiling always and usually touching Edward in some way. I felt an inexplicable pang of envy shoot through me. Clearly these men loved each other and I wanted that. In fact, I guess I hadn't realized how much I wanted that until I found the pictures, because the more I saw the more envious I became. By the time I got to a Christmas photo showing the man and Edward sharing what appeared to be a passionate kiss in front of the tree, it was eating me up inside. It licked at me like my addiction did and I almost shoved all the pictures I'd already looked at right back on top of the others just to stop the flow of beautiful images.

But then, an army hat caught my eye. Carefully I worked out the picture with the hat, noticing with slight surprise that it was a snapshot of the man in all the other photos, his hair buzzed and all dressed up in an army uniform. This was clearly the photo the military took of him. I gazed at his strong features wonderingly, noting that this was the first picture I'd seen of him where he wasn't smiling. He was, if possible, even more striking than usual. His eyes seemed to sparkle and snap from the picture. Almost without thought I had brought my hands up to the photo and now I ran my fingers gently down the front of his uniform, did he die in combat then? In Iraq? Afghanistan?

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" A loud voice demanded from my left. My head snapped to Edward in the doorway, his shoulders tensed in anger, fist clenching the door. It looked like a thundercloud had ascended and attached itself to his face. I squeaked in a very undignified manner and dropped what I was holding, scrambling over the bed to put it between him and me.

"I—I'm so—sor—sorry" I stammered. Afraid to make eye contact and yet afraid to take my eyes off him at the same time. He was the angriest I'd ever seen him and that included when James had pulled a gun on him.

"Get out." He hissed, barely able to speak around his building fury. I nodded hastily, tears pouring down my face. That was exactly what I wanted to do, the only thing in fact. But he was standing in the doorway and there was no fucking way I was going past him to leave. He'd kill me, I knew he would. He would grab me and throw me down and punish me extra hard for all the times he had held back since I'd been here. The thought made my breathing tighten and I struggled to take in air with wheezing, quick, jagged breathes. Edward's face blurred before my eyes as more and more tears came.

"Please…" I whimpered, "Please I swear I will, I swear I'll leave just please…" My panic was making it hard for me to think, I no longer remembered very clearly where I was. In my mind I was back at James', begging James not to hit me. The last time I had seen an expression like that on his face he had hurt me bad, worse than I cared to remember. Maybe this time he'd show mercy? But that was wishful thinking. My thoughts pulled me into the memories, reality melting away as my past reached up with bloodstained fingers to drag me back to hell.

/

Edward—

My night at the hospital had been horrible, we'd had a little girl come into the ICU straight from a brutal car wreck that had killed both her parents. I'd personally worked on her for four hours before her heart stopped for the fourth time on the table and we lost her. I had been a doctor for a very long time but that kind of thing hurt badly and no matter how much I tried I couldn't get her face out of my head for the entire rest of the night. Needless to say when I got home I was looking forward to taking a nice long shower and going straight to bed, nothing more and nothing less.

My cluttered mind even forgot to think of Jasper so it was an exceedingly nasty surprise when I walked into my bedroom to see him sitting in the middle of the floor calmly flicking through all my photos. Seeing them, especially after such a horrible shift, made sadness and bitterness flood me so fast that it was hard to remain standing. I clutched the doorway for a second and squeezed my eyes shut tight, gritting my teeth and breathing slowly to get the black feelings to go away. Even once the bulk of the feelings faded I was left with the sticky residue that never left, that clogged my arteries, lungs, and heart so much that I swear to God I couldn't breathe without thinking of what I lost.

Tears pricked my eyes and, like a small child unwise in the ways of the world, I thought pitifully that it wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that that little girl had died today or that I had had to be the doctor to lose her. It wasn't fair that I had had to tell her grief stricken grandmother that she had not only lost her daughter, but the only child her daughter had ever brought into the world as well. It wasn't fair that I didn't have Keenan anymore, that I had only had eight years with the man I loved when other people got a lifetime. And, despite the fact that I knew it was my own fault, it wasn't fair that even after three years the loss hurt me so badly I couldn't stand to have any pictures up anywhere in my house.

But the straw that really broke the camels back was the presence of the pictures right here, right now, spread out in my bedroom instead of safely tucked away. That thought was finally enough to break me from my haze of emotions. The pictures shouldn't have been out, I hid them away precisely so I wouldn't have to feel this way. Jasper had gotten them out. He had awakened this pain afresh in me. The more I thought about it that way, the angrier I became. What right did he have to do this to me? All I had ever done was help him and he turned around and did this? Dredged up these memories? And why was he snooping under my bed to begin with? Why was he even in my room? It was off limits, I was sure I had told him that. The more I thought about it the angrier I became until finally I was pretty goddamn furious.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" I demanded harshly. The man jumped and twisted his head to see me, his eyes going impossibly wide as he took in my visage in the doorway. He let out a small primal squeal of untarnished fear and literally leapt over my bed in one graceful lunge. Once behind it he watched me warily, his whole body tense and ready to bolt. He couldn't seem to decided if he should meet my eyes or not so he kept lowering his gaze to my chest area before quickly snapping it back up to meet my eyes and starting the whole process over again.

"I—I'm so—sor—sorry." He managed to stutter.

"Get out." I spat, all my emotions nearly choking me. At that moment that was all I wanted, my bedroom to myself with no filthy druggy shifting through my things. I was furious yes but I would deal with him later, right now I just wanted to sleep away these feelings. He nodded jerkily, looking like some kind of broken jack-in-the-box. Tears streamed freely down his face and his eyes finally settled onto a point directly over my shoulder. Fuck.I thought, recognizing the terror on his face as the beginnings of a panic attack. The thought had barely left my head before I saw the man's breathing become labored and wheezing. He was taking in air at a pace that was much too quick and his fear, if possible, was building to even greater heights.

"Please…" He whimpered, "Please I swear I will, I swear I'll leave just please…"

"Jasper," I spoke firmly, my training kicking in. "Do you know where you are?" The question was aimed to ground him in reality but it didn't work at all, he was past that point. As I spoke he moved from standing across the bed from me to crouching behind it, hugging his knees to his chest and rocking almost violently.

"Stop! Please! Oh God please!" His screams reached new heights, pain joining fear as his memories captured his present and acted themselves out across my bedroom. I felt a pang of guilt deep inside me. I should have known better than to yell at him like that, than to confront him when my emotions were strung so high. Of course it would scare him, he had lived with a man that physically and sexually abused him everyday. I knew better. And yet I had been so goddamn caught up in my own pain that I had failed to think about anyone else.

"Jasper, look at me please," I urged gently, being very careful not to touch the shaking man.

"You aren't with James, he isn't here. It's me, Edward. I've never hit you before and I won't start now, even if I was angry." For a second he was still and I thought maybe my words had penetrated into his nightmares. But that hope was short lived. He screamed, a long, drawn out, wail of pure horror that caused his back to arch off the wall and his fists to clench so hard I saw blood start to seep down his palms.

"No please!" He wailed, thrashing brutally. "Please please please!" His cries got more drawn out and desperate as they went along. "Not in me please! I'll be good I swear just please don't put that in me!" I jerked back from him in surprise, whatever he was dreaming was worse than I had been imagining by far. I glanced at the clock; he had been having a panic attack for close to five minutes. With this sever of an attack I would need to call an ambulance if it wasn't over in another five.

"Jasper, you're not there. You're not there Jasper, breathe." I pleaded, watching his lips closely to make sure they weren't turning blue and he was indeed getting enough oxygen.

"Jasper please! You're not there, I won't hurt you, please…" Slowly his tears slowed and his breathing evened out. His cries got to be fewer and fewer and the overwhelming panic began to leave his face. After another two minutes his eyes actually focused on me and I knew he was back.

"Breathe Jasper." I instructed, meeting his eyes. "Big deep breaths, I won't hurt you and he's not here." He gave me a small nod and copied my deep breathing. After a few seconds tears filled his eyes once more and I started to freak out, thinking he was going to start having another panic attack. Instead he threw his arms around my neck, hugging me fiercely and sobbing into my shirt. I was startled for a moment before I slowly wrapped my arms around his skinny frame and held him tight to me. I could feel all his bones as he bawled and shook in my arms and it made me frown, that wasn't healthy any way you cut it. I would have to put him on a special diet to make sure he gained weight.

The longer I held him and heard him crying the harder and harder it became for me not to cry too. It hurt. The loss of the little girl, missing Keenan. Mourning the life I used to have. Seeing him cry reminded me of how long it had been since I last cried. Slowly the tears began to fall down my face. They weren't floods like Jasper's and I wasn't overcome by my hurt like he was, but they were there. I held him while my own grief slowly tracked its way down my face.

We sat on the floor with him wrapped up in my lap for half an hour before he cried himself to sleep. At that point my own tears were long dry and I carefully rose with him in my arms and placed him gently on my bed. I pulled the sheets up around him and sighed deeply, moving into my bathroom to shower before I went to sleep on the couch.

/

Jasper-

To say I was surprised in the morning to wake up under the covers in Edward's bed was an understatement. At first the discovery almost sent me into another panic attack, but before that could happen Edward's cool voice interrupted my thoughts from the area to the left of me, snapping my attention to him.

"Relax." He said dryly, not even bothering to glance my way as he shrugged into a t-shirt from his position in from of his closet. For a second I caught a glimpse of perfectly smooth, pale skin before the dark gray material swallowed it up. "I put you there, you aren't in trouble."

"I—" My words stuck in my throat and despite my best effort I could find nothing to say as he turned around to face me. Instead I simply dropped my gaze to my lap, sitting up straighter and twisting my hands in the sheets. He waited patiently for me to gather my thoughts.

"I'm sorry." I finally whispered. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him frown.

"Don't be." He said curtly, crossing to the dresser and reaching on top of it to grab his watch and clip it on his wrist. "That fucking couch sucks, I'm buying a new one, why didn't you tell me it was so goddamn impossible to sleep on?" The unexpectedness of his words caused me to raise my head to look at him. I opened my mouth but before I could find words he shook his head and cut me off, pursing his lips together before saying:

"Don't answer that. Point is; I'm buying another couch, a pull-out one so that you can have an actual bed. Now come on, it's breakfast time." As he finished speaking he turned and disappeared out of the door to the hallway, leaving me dumbfounded in his wake. Quickly I rallied and shoved myself out of bed, padding silently down the hall in pursuit of his retreating back.

"You don't have to do that." I said softly as I hovered in the doorway to the kitchen and watched him hustle about taking down bowls and ingredients and measuring cups.

"What? Get the flour?" He questioned. "Actually I do, today is my day off and I'm making pancakes you see so…" He quirked an eyebrow at me and smirked as he said the last to further illustrate that he was teasing me. If anything his joking demeanor upset me more, I couldn't stand waiting for him to explode and punish me for last night.

"Get another couch." I said softly but more firmly, determined to get him to hasten the inevitable. He shrugged.

"But I do. You're staying here and you have to be able to sleep."

"I won't come into your bedroom again, I'm really sorry I—"

"Stop." For the first time all morning his voice held an edge to it and I froze immediately, my eyes dropping to the floor and my shoulders hunching in preparation for a blow. "Shit!" he swore, making me cower more. "Stop that too! How many times do I have to tell you I'm not going to hurt you? You've been here a little over a month now and have I ever harmed you?" He snapped. I shook my head.

"No." He bit out, voice hard. "Don't shake your head. Tell me. Say it. You're not a child, you can use your words."

"No, you haven't hurt me." I supplied immediately, hoping that would be what he wanted. He sighed and I cringed, clearly that hadn't made him happy.

"Look at me." He ordered more gently. I did so immediately. "I'm not going to punish you, not ever. No matter what you do. If you overstep too many boundaries I'll kick you out but I will never hurt you. Do you understand?" I started to nod but switched to speaking halfway through when I caught the furrowing of his eyebrows.

"Yes." He nodded, seemingly satisfied and went back to mixing together all the ingredients for pancakes. After a few minutes the silence was too much and the waiting was killing me so I blurted out the one question I really had to know the answer to. "About last night; what are you going to do to me?" He froze across from me and slowly turned to face me. I nearly whimpered I was so scared but his face when he finally looked up wasn't angry at all, it was profoundly sad, almost heartbreakingly so.

"I thought I told you I would never hurt you?" He asked softly. I nodded.

"Right."

"So then why would I do anything to you?"

"That was before and you were so angry and I'm so sorry! I was never supposed to go in there, you told me not to go in there and I did anyway and I—" He cut off my rant shortly after tears started to flood my eyes and my breathing started to quicken.

"Jasper, stop." He commanded softly. I did at once. "Last night was… last night… let's just agree to forget it okay?" He said in a strained voice. My eyes snapped to his to see if he was serious. His expression was tense and he looked earnest about wanting to forget it so I slowly nodded. He smiled at that, the first genuine smile I had seen him make, and it made my heart flutter a little to see it.

"Good." He said happily, spinning back around to the counter. "How many pancakes do you want? And what flavor?"


	8. Chapter 7

Hey guys! Thank you all so much for the reviews for the last chapter! They were all wonderful and they give me so much encouragement! Thank you! Still no slash in this chapter, sorry! But its getting there! Also, I apologize if it doesn't exactly flow with the rest of the story. Something seems off about it but no matter how many different times I rewrote it it still seemed slightly off. So sorry, I did my best!

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.

/

Edward-

I sipped my drink slowly and leaned farther back in my chair, squinting into the sun and sighing at Bella's usual tardiness. She was supposed to meet me here over twenty minutes ago so we could have lunch on my day off. And yet, still no sign. A small smile curled my lips as I thought of how predictable Bella's timing was. She had even been late to her own high school graduation; her absence at the beginning of the ceremony had made Keenan livid…

I banished the memory before it could even fully form in my mind and scowled down at my plate, digging my fingernails into my palm. Suddenly Bella's lateness was less amusing and more annoying, she was too old for this. Before I could get too annoyed Bella herself interrupted my musings as she flopped down into the chair across from me with a flutter of fabric and a loud 'thunk' as her purse hit the table hard enough to send her cell phone tumbling out and to the floor. She cast a critical glance down at it as if chastising it for leaping to its own doom before snatching it up and turning her attention to me.

"Phew! Sorry I'm late, I got caught up as I was leaving, the phone rang and then I forgot my keys and—"

"You forgot to add in driving time." I interrupted in a dry voice. She winced and cast an exaggerated apologetic look my way as she shrugged and swiped a piece of hair behind her ear.

"I looked up and it was one already." She admitted. And then, just like that, her apologies were over and she was off, chattering about Jake's auto shop and her job and all of the new gossip she had missed out telling me about since the last time we talked five days ago. She continued to update me all the way through ordering our food and even eating before she suddenly cut off abruptly and fixed her gaze on me full force, half leaping over the table in an effort to lean closer to me. I shrank back a bit in surprise, arching my eyebrow at her in a silent question as I took a drink from my water glass.

"Oh my god! Edward Cullen, are you smiling?" She gasped, looking honestly amazed. I felt the corners of my mouth twitch up at the comment and I couldn't tell if it was because I was nervous that she was staring at me so intensely or because I found her question to be amusing. Her eyes almost bugged out of her head.

"You are! Holy crap! I can hardly believe it! Edward! Come on! Spill!" She urged, whacking me on the arm admonishingly. I stopped smiling then and rubbed my elbow where she'd hit me, frowning.

"That hurt! Besides, I have nothing to spill. If I smiled its because you amused me." I stated, not quite successfully keeping the whine out of my voice. She pursed her lips and put her hands on her hips.

"Liar. Something has changed. I haven't seen you smile in years. Spit it out." I shrugged and leaned further back in my chair.

"Nothings changed." I insisted.

She rolled her eyes and said: "Fine, then how about you just tell me about life. What have you been up to? How's work? Do anything exciting lately?"

"Nothing much, just the usual. Still no hobbies as you like to refer to them." I said dryly with a roll of my eyes. It was ridiculous the obsession she had with me buying a dog or a car or something else I wanted to dedicate hours of time to. "Work is good, I have three days off this week instead of two which is really nice." She perked right up at the last part and I wondered what I had said to make her get that evil glint in her eye.

"Any plans for those three days?" She asked innocently. I smirked and heaved an inward sigh of relief; she just looked that way because she wanted to organize some kind of ridiculous family event since I had free time no doubt. I took a second to think about it.

"Nothing too exciting, I'll get caught up on sleep and cleaning, pay some bills. The usual. It's nice out so Jasper and I will probably go find a trail of some sort so we can get in a decent run." Her eyes literally about fell out of her head and I was mildly worried she was going to have a stroke.

"Jasper?" She nearly shrieked. Her scream caused several people to glance our way and I shushed her harshly in embarrassment.

"He's a friend of mine." I stated in a clipped, short tone. Hoping she would leave it at that. Of course, she didn't.

"A friend? Where did you meet him? Do you guys hang out a lot? What does he look like? What does he like to do? What do you guys do? How close of a friend? What _kind_ of a friend? How—"

"Bella!" I cried, cutting her off in the middle of her outburst. "How many questions am I supposed to remember?" She giggled in acknowledgement of her overexcitement.

"Sorry. But seriously, details. Now." I sighed and took a sip of my water to stall before finally answering.

"We met… it's a long story. Through a mutual acquaintance. He needed some help so I helped him out and we became friends. Simple." I explained carefully. Bella quirked her eyebrows. I stared back. She quirked them again. I raised mine back. She sighed and shook her head.

"And?"

"And?" I repeated. She stuck out her tongue at me and narrowed her eyes.

"Do you hangout a lot? What's he like?"

"Yeah, we hangout a ton actually." I stated cautiously. Technically it wasn't a lie. "He's nice, sweet. He's shy but once you get to know him he actually talks a lot and he's funny. Smart too, although he doesn't realize it." I added as almost an afterthought. It was hard to describe all that was Jasper to someone who had never met him. He was too complicated for that. She looked impressed.

"Is he good looking?" Her question snapped me out of my thoughts and back to the present. I narrowed my eyes at her.

"Very. Not that it matters." She shrugged and pursed her lips, looking down at her tea as she stirred it slowly with the spoon. "Bella." I warned. She shrugged again and hummed lightly as she continued playing with her beverage.

"I didn't say anything." She sang innocently. I snorted.

"You just implied it." I accused dryly. She shook her head.

"Implied what? I did not such thing." I rolled my eyes.

"Whatever you say. But don't get any silly thoughts, he and I are just friends." I assured her. She nodded and the rest of our lunch date proceeded as before with Bella yammering away about her friends and the asshole that grabbed her ass at the supermarket. Surprisingly she managed to stay away from the topic of Jasper until we were parting ways in the parking lot and she was getting into her car.

As I turned my back to go to mine she called out:

"So when can I meet him? Jasper I mean." I planted my hands on my hips and leveled her with a look.

"Why do you want to meet him?" I demanded in a warning tone. She smiled.

"Don't give me that look, my intentions are innocent I swear! He's just the first friend of yours I've heard anything about in years. Plus, he's by far the only real friend you've made since… Oops! Clumsy me. Anyway, I want to meet him." She cut herself of suddenly and looked down, dropping her keys as a really obvious afterthought. I rolled my eyes but let her near slip slide.

"Bye Bella." I replied, waving as I turned and walked away.

"Edward! You didn't answer! Edward!" She called after me. I laughed as I continued walking.

/

Later that day saw me putting away groceries in the kitchen while Jasper slept in his bedroom. I frowned slightly in annoyance; I had hoped he would be awake to help me or at least to talk since I hadn't seen him much in the last few days. I sighed and let my irritation go. It was eleven at night to be fair and he did work out a lot today as he usually did in an attempt to return his body to the condition it should be in and not the condition consistent drug use had left it in. He was doing a fairly good job from a medical standpoint: he was putting on weight so that he no longer looked like a waif and all of his cuts and bruises had healed nicely. And of course he had started to get a nice, even, dark tan from hours spent outside running in the sun with no shirt on. Add that to the fact that he was beginning to slowly tone his muscles and it lead to one rather attractive, sexy man: even if he was rather skinny. I shook my head at the direction my thoughts took and refocused, reminding myself that the only reason I had for staring at Jasper was to see if he was healing up nicely. It was purely medical of course. Unsurprisingly these workouts left him worn out and he usually fell asleep by ten at the latest, which was something I knew and should have accounted for if I wanted to see him. I shook my head at my own lack of planning and went about shoving things in their proper places on autopilot. Jaspers scream startled me so much I dropped the gallon of milk I was holding and had to desperately scramble to get a hand on it before it fell.

"Shit!" I swore seconds before I caught it miraculously and placed it safely on the counter. I took a moment to marvel at my own skill before turning to go comfort Jasper. His shriek may have startled me but that didn't mean it surprised me. Ever since I bought Jasper an actual bed (so big it required his bedroom to change from the entertainment room to the spare bedroom right next to mine) I could hear him cry and scream every night, multiple times a night, when his nightmares took him over.

The first time I heard it (almost two months ago) it had nearly given me a heart attack and I had leapt out of bed thinking someone was killing him or something. What I found was only slightly less horrifying: Jasper writhing and twisting in his sheets, tears pouring down his face and his fingernails cutting into his skin as he screamed and thrashed to get away from whatever tortured him in his sleep. I woke him up none too gently and accidentally forced him into a panic attack that lasted nearly seven minutes and scared me almost as much as it did him. When I asked him about it he admitted to having similarly violent incidents at least once a week since he had gotten clean and almost every night since he had started exercising and going to sleep early (versus passing out from exhaustion and waking up after a few short hours of sleep).

I tried giving him Melatonin and other natural sleep aids but those all proved useless the very same night we tested them when his screams startled me from whatever I was doing elsewhere in the house. Like tonight. Luckily after a sleepless two weeks we had found a solution.

I rounded the corner into his room quickly and cautiously approached the bed, carefully sliding into it on the side opposite Jasper and being extremely careful not to touch him. And then I went about calming him like I did when he had a panic attack; with soft calming words whispered as close to his ear as I could get without touching. After a few minutes his cries faded to whimpers and he stopped thrashing. A few minutes more and he went silent, his tears stopping and his body relaxing. At that point he seemed to wake up at least halfway like he usually did because he blinked his eyes open groggily and looked at me, frowning once before sliding his way over to me and molding his body against my own—his back pressed to my front. Once he had made sure as much of our bodies were touching as possible he sighed and closed his eyes once more. His breathing evened out before I could so much as complain and I sighed once and shook my head, sweeping his sweaty hair out of his face and examining him critically to make sure no remnants of the nightmares still bothered him. His eyes were closed naturally and not squeezed tight and his face was relaxed, no twitching. I sighed again in satisfaction and stroked one hand gently down his arm in a comforting gesture.

Truthfully it was more to comfort me and assure me that he was fine than to comfort him. I had grown to like Jasper quite a bit in the time he had been staying with me and he had become my closest friend aside from Bella. It scared me when something happened to him because it never failed to trigger in me an overwhelming feeling of panic and foreboding. I was absolutely terrified that I was going to lose him too. After all—aside from Bella—hadn't I lost every single other person I had ever let close to me? I was cursed as it was with tragedy and Jasper wasn't exactly a safe bet if we were talking honestly about his odds of survival. If my curse took out perfectly healthy, average people than someone as broken as Jasper with a past so full of darkness was pretty much fucked. I hugged him to me when I thought about that and gasped softly in a rush of panic. I didn't want to lose him; I didn't think I could take it. We stayed like that for about five minutes before I calmed down enough to want to get up. But, as usual, when I tried to wiggle away from him Jasper whimpered and pushed himself farther back into me, his face scrunching up in unease. I ignored it and placed a hand on his shoulder gently to hold him in place while I slipped away from him. He jerked suddenly and woke up, his eyes opening to stare straight at me, blue meeting green.

"Sshh." I soothed, pulling away from him all together. "I need to go finish putting away the groceries." I explained. Fear entered his eyes and I wondered what kind of nightmares he was having if they clearly scared him so much.

"I'll come with you." He said, jumping out of bed so fast he ran smack into my chest and nearly knocked me over. All of a sudden his face was right next to mine and I had the most insane urge to kiss him. I turned quickly and forced those ridiculous thought from my head. Honestly! Jasper? Bella was right; it had been too long since I'd gotten any.

"Fine then, come along." I said curtly, turning and striding out of the room.

/

Jasper-

I followed Edward out of the room quickly, rubbing my eyes to wake myself up as much as possible so I could achieve some level of helpfulness once we reached the kitchen. I suppose it worked because with both of us helping we finished putting things away in record time and I even got to talk to Edward some. He had had day shifts for the past few days and I had been asleep by the time he got home which meant we hadn't been able to eat any meals together, go running, or just hang out like we were used to. I missed him truth be told. I had gotten used to the easy friendship we had developed over the past few months, ever since Edward decided he wanted to be more friendly.

As we talked we both stayed away from anything to do with my dreams since I didn't want to talk about them and he was slightly afraid of triggering a panic attack or something like that. Once we put the last item away we stopped and turned to face each other, he leaning against the fridge door with his arms crossed over his chest and me standing anxiously in the center of the floor, wringing my hands together and staring into his green eyes nervously.

"Were you going to go to sleep now or do you have other things to do?" I asked. He didn't move but his eyes got softer and I saw how they became a slightly muddier shade of green as worry entered them. He knew why I was asking and it worried him that my nightmares tonight had affected me so much. I shivered, it was best he didn't know exactly what those nightmares contained, he probably wouldn't want to be friends with me anymore if he knew the things I had done.

"I was going to sleep, just go get comfortable and I'll meet you there once I brush my teeth and all that jazz." He answered, waiting for me to exit the kitchen in front of him before he flicked off the lights and followed me down the hall. I nodded and gratefully lead the way, jumping into his bed when I reached the bedroom and watching him as he entered behind me and proceeded to the bathroom. I slipped under the covers on the side of the bed I knew he didn't use and closed my eyes to wait. After a few minutes I heard the drone of the electric toothbrush end and the water turn off followed by a sudden darkness when he switched off the light.

I opened my eyes and let them adjust to the dark, focusing on the figure of Edward in front of my while he stripped off his work clothes and carefully unclipped his watch. His skin as it was revealed was so white it was almost luminescent and I marveled at how smooth it was. There wasn't a single scar on his body as far as I could tell, the exact opposite of mine. Once he was standing only in his boxers he turned and joined me in the bed, laying on his side and opening his arms to me in a 'come here' gesture. I obliged immediately and turned so he was spooning me, pulling his arm over my chest and tangling my feet in his. It was an odd way for two friends—two grown male friends especially—to sleep but it was the only thing that seemed to keep away the nightmares. And I didn't just mean my own. Even Edward's nightmares stopped and we both slept much better than when we were alone. And so it became a routine almost. I slept in Edward's bed almost every night although I hardly ever started there. Usually I ended up there when Edward woke me from a nightmare like he had tonight but every once in awhile it would work the opposite way and I would join Edward after waking him from one of his. The nights he worked were the hardest because it meant I hardly ever slept.

"Thank you." I said softly. He nodded and I shivered when his hair brushed against the back of my neck.

"Of course. Night Jasper."

"Night Edward."


	9. Chapter 8

Hey guys, sorry about the giant time gap from last chapter to this one. I was out of the country for three months and didn't end up having access to the internet like I thought I would. So sorry! Anyway, thank you all SO SO much for the reviews, I love them and they made my week as always! As usual I apologize for any grammatical errors in this chapter. Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.

/

Jasper-

"There's no fuckin' way you actually like this shit." Edward said in a dry voice as he flopped down next to me on the couch with a bowl of popcorn. I scowled at him and immediately stole the popcorn away as punishment for his horrid words.

"Of course I like it." I defended, "It's Doctor Who! You'd have to be crazy not to!" He laughed and reached for the popcorn, leaning closer to me when I stretched to move it out of his reach.

"It's too scifi-y for me!" He insisted, shoving his face full of popcorn as soon as I relented and moved it back over between us. I laughed at his stuffed cheeks and rolled my eyes, turning my attention back to the TV as the intro narration started.

"For me too honestly." I admitted. "But its my sister's favorite show and it grows on you after awhile." Edward didn't respond right away and after a minute or so his unusual silence made me look over at him. He was staring at me intently, his head cocked slightly to the side as if he were in deep thought.

"What?" I questioned, slightly unnerved. He blinked once as if coming back to himself and looked down while he gathered his thoughts.

"Nothing." He said, shaking his head and turning back to the TV. "You just never mentioned a sister before." I smiled slightly, my lips twitching up in a mixture of pride, fondness, guilt and longing. I loved my sister, she and I had done everything together from the moment we were born to the moment I first started using. I missed her more than anything, sometimes unbearably so, but I knew better than to try to contact her. I broke her heart when I chose my addiction over her and she would never forgive me.

"She's my twin." I said softly, deciding to grant him his unvoiced request. "People used to say we looked just alike, the male and female version of the same person." I snorted and shook my head remembering. "That was a pile of shit though! She's gorgeous! I mean, really stunning. She's a model now, I see her picture every once in awhile in a magazine or on a billboard. Personality wise she was always my opposite. Where I was quiet she was loud. Where I was introverted she was extroverted. I made few friends and never dated and she must have known almost every person in the whole goddamn town!" I laughed, remembering. "I don't honestly know how; she was fucking mean! A real bitch sometimes! But not to me. Never to me." I finished quietly, crossing my hands in my lap and squeezing them together hard to help me ride out the strong pang of sadness that ripped through me. I had been awful to her, put her through hell. I was such a fuck up.

"She sounds amazing." Edward assured me, his voice low and sincere. His voice pulled me from my dark thoughts and I nodded, blinking back the tears that I suddenly found pooling in my eyes and steeling myself to turn to face him.

"She is." I agreed, smiling as best I could as I met his pretty green eyes. "I haven't talked to her in a very long time but I'm sure that that at least hasn't changed." He frowned and his brow wrinkled as usual. I had to fight to keep from reaching up and smoothing it out.

"Why don't you call her?" He asked. I couldn't stop the small laugh that escaped me at that and I rolled my eyes at his ignorance.

"Who would want a call from their drug addicted twin?" His frown deepened and he looked extremely serious when he said:

"Anyone. Everyone. Just because someone you love gets into something you hate doesn't mean you hate them. You always still want to know that they're okay and you would sure as hell want to know if they were in the process of cleaning up." I stared at him, rather gob smacked. He sounded so sure, he sounded like….

"You're speaking from experience." I half questioned, half accused. His expression went blank as he retreated behind the cold mask he used whenever I touched upon a taboo subject. To top it off he physically leaned back and turned away from me. I couldn't stop a shiver at how fucking cold he turned in under a second.

"If you must know, then yes." It was clear from his body language that that was all I was going to get out of him. I didn't push it—even though I desperately wanted to know who in his life had gotten into the same trouble I had— and chose to change the subject instead.

"I don't know Edward, I hurt her pretty badly." I whispered, letting my thoughts turn back to my sister. It wasn't all that hard honestly, not now that I was thinking of her. Reverting to the previous topic seemed to work and he once again engaged in the conversation and dropped his mask a little.

"Of course, but you're still her twin and she still loves you." He assured me. I smiled at him, silently thanking him for his support, even if he didn't know what the hell he was talking about. I was useless and broken, no one loved me.

"What about you? Any sisters buried in your closet?" I asked hesitantly, hurrying to change the subject before I broke down and started crying about my pathetic life. At first I debated between asking about Edward's sister and talking about the TV show. On one hand I didn't want Edward to get angry with me again, but on the other I was loath to let such an excellent opportunity to learn a little bit about him slip away. I held my breath while I waited to see if I chose correctly. To my relief he smiled, a real smile that made the corners of his eyes wrinkle.

"Bella." He answered. "Technically she's not my sister but she's close enough. She's my favorite person in the world." He looked ten times happier than usual when talking about her and it was rather beautiful to see. Edward was so much more attractive when he was happy.

"Do you get to see her often?" He nodded.

"We try to get together at least once every two weeks. Mainly so she can gossip to me about all of the different people in her life and brag about her husband." I laughed at his eye roll.

"Sounds like my sister!" I chuckled. "I—I miss her." I admitted. Edward quirked an eyebrow at me in a 'well, it's your move' gesture and tossed me his cell phone.

"What's stopping you?" He asked simply. The smile I forced this time looked pained, even I could tell that without seeing it. His concerned frown proved it.

"It's been so long. Too long. I can't." I whispered, starring at the phone cradled in my hands. I had to blink back tears as my negative thoughts roared to the surface and suddenly Edward was there, holding open his arms just like he did every night when inviting me into his bed. The action took me aback for a second since we had never before been at all touchy outside our secret bedroom sanctuary. After a few moments of hesitation I moved cautiously into his reach and he very slowly wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into his chest and holding me to him gently until I got myself under control. It took me a second before I allowed myself to relax against him, hiding my face in his shoulder and breathing in his cologne until all thoughts—good and bad—had fled my head.

"How long has it been?" He asked gently once he felt me calm down in his arms. I settled further into him and answered from the safety of his embrace.

"A little more than a year since I talked to her last and probably almost five since we had any sort of healthy relationship." I choked out. Edward tensed against me and I pulled back just far enough to glance up at his face and see why. He looked shocked and massively confused.

"Jasper how old are you?" He questioned.

"Twenty five." His eyebrows lifted for a second in surprise before he hid it behind a composed mask. "Why? How old did you think I was?" He shook his head as if to dismiss the question and looked away for a second.

"Younger than that. Twenty one maybe, you look young." He stated. I nodded. "I didn't realize you used for that long." I nodded again, burying my face in his shirt once again as the painful memories surfaced.

"Oh yes." I assured him, shivering hard enough to make him pull me slightly closer and start running his hands lightly up and down my back. I debated expanding on that but decided against it. In the end, I just didn't know what to say. Anything I said to Edward was reason for him to kick me out, to stop being my friend. The more he knew the more he would come to realize how utterly worthless I was, how dirty and used. Edward's stroking hesitated and I could tell he was mulling something over in his head, debating if he should say it or not. Finally he seemed to make up his mind because he spoke.

"If you don't mind me asking Jasper, how did you get into drugs?" I snorted and rolled my eyes, trying to stay calm even when I felt panic claw at my insides. He couldn't start asking these questions, not now when I'd finally found a friend. He couldn't know my past. That I was certain of. If he ever found out he'd realize that he didn't want me anywhere near him; that I was nothing but a failure.

"It's a long story and it's the best part of the episode, I'll tell you later!" I insisted, hiding the panic in my voice and hoping he would let the issue drop. Luckily Edward nodded and turned back to the TV. Our conversation ended as we got lost in Dr. Who.

/

Edward-

I squeezed my eyes shut once more and thought again that it was a terrible idea to encourage Jasper to work out. I was a gay man for god sake and I hadn't gotten any in years; it was only natural that I would find myself attracted to my eye-catching blond roommate if he had a body. It was only natural.

And yet, it upset me greatly. I couldn't concentrate around Jasper anymore, whenever I was near him I started thinking inappropriate thoughts or wanting to do inappropriate things. The first time I had noticed it—really undeniably noticed it—was when I strolled into the kitchen a few days ago after work and saw Jasper swaying along to Hooti and the Blowfish as he cleaned off the counter with a rag. Immediately all I could focus on was how good his ass looked swinging in those jeans and I wanted to go up behind him, grab his hips and pull him straight back into me so he could feel what he did to me. I shook it off.

But after that it was like the floodgates were open; I suddenly found myself thinking of him all the time or seeing sexual things in the simplest of actions.

He reached up to open the cupboard and his shirt rode up, revealing a tanned strip of skin along his back before he put his arm down and it disappeared.

He bent over to pick up the book he dropped and I found my eyes glued to his round ass, unable to look away.

He spoke to me and all I could think about were his lips and how full and pink they were. How good they would look stretched around my cock.

Frankly it was getting a bit ridiculous and I was getting tired of it. I couldn't seem to get it through my thick skull that Jasper was a junkie, a loser. That even if he was starting to get his life together, he still wasn't anywhere near my caliber of man. I was Edward fucking Cullen, a fucking doctor. I didn't go to med school only to end up with a guy I could have scooped off the street. I deserved better. He wasn't anywhere near Keenan. He couldn't be. No one could be.

I blinked myself out of my thoughts when a movement from outside caught my eye. I looked and then just as quickly looked away, willing myself not to react to what I saw. I swore when I felt my pants grow tight and my pulse shoot up. I could tell myself the same things over and over and yet… I still got a hard on whenever I saw him outside mowing my lawn shirtless…

I sighed and turned away from the window. I would have to fix this problem today, even if it meant drastic measures needed to be taken.

/

Later that day-

I hissed in pleasure when I felt myself hit the back of his throat, tightening my fist in his hair and trying hard not to force his face down or anything like that. He moaned around me in response to my rough treatment and sucked harder. The vibration, combined with the wonders he was doing with his mouth, made me swear and throw my head back hard enough to slam it against the wall with enough force to actually hurt. I didn't mind, what he was now doing with the flat of his tongue against my slit was more than enough to distract me from that.

"Fuck yeah! Like that!" I encouraged breathily, my thrusts picking up speed almost involuntarily. To my surprise he made no move to restrain my movements with the hands he kept placed on my hips, allowing me to control the tempo and fuck his pretty little mouth. That in itself was fuck hot and I swore louder, feeling myself getting closer and closer by the minute. My swearing seemed to turn him on because he moaned and picked up his pace, deep throating me like a pro. He was so good that within minutes I felt myself losing control, spiraling into my orgasm at an almost embarrassing speed. But then of course, it had been years since I'd been with anyone and he hadn't lasted any longer when I'd blown him minutes before.

"Gonna… cum!" I panted out in warning, tugging on his hair to let him know he should pull back. He ignored me, taking me once more to the root and moaning as he swallowed around me, the vibrations causing me to cum right then. He swallowed every drop and licked me clean before he released me with a pop, standing up and smirking slyly at me.

"You're hot when you're like this." He purred, sliding up to me so that our bodies were flush together and his face was mere inches from mine. His blue eyes sparkled with mischief as he leaned in to tangle a hand in my hair and pull me into a demanding kiss. We parted after a few minutes and sat there looking at each other, sizing each other up. His gaze was calculating and devious, mine was detached and barely interested. After a second I broke our staring contest, standing up and slipping my shirt back on over my head as I began steadily to dress.

"I'll be going now." I said simply, not sugar coating it unnecessarily. We were both perfectly clear that this was just a hook up, nothing more and nothing less. Now that we were done fucking around it was time for me to get out of his flat, we were not going to talk, we were not going to exchange false pleasantries, and we were certainly not going to cuddle.

Those were things you did with people that mattered to you and we were under no illusions that either one of us gave a damn about the other. The only thing I needed to know about the man I had spent the evening with was how much of my cock he could take.

"Indeed." Riley responded smoothly, smirking from his spot on the bed where he continued to sprawl naked and relaxed. He watched me lustfully as more and more of my body was covered by my clothing, pouting when my pants slid on and his view of my ass was finally disrupted. "Next week same time?" I nodded curtly, snatching my keys off his bedside table and striding for the door.

"Next week I fuck you." I tossed over my shoulder as I opened the door and stepped into the hall. I heard his laugh ring out loudly from the room behind me as I let myself out of his flat and made my way downstairs to my car. I thought as I drove home that Bella had been right all the times she informed me I was missing out by not making time to satisfy my physical needs. Flirting with Riley today at lunch had been fun. Leaving work and meeting him at his flat to fool around had been exciting; the slight danger of entering into a secret office affair tingling through me and making me smirk as I drove. And if oral was that good with him then I really, really couldn't wait to fuck him next week. And the best part was I would finally stop thinking those ridiculous sexual things about Jasper.

/

Jasper-

"Today's the day." Alice sang when I slid into her car out front of the house. The high pitch of her voice and her white knuckles on the wheel gave away her happy-go-lucky bluff and I managed to force a smile for her as I buckled my seat belt.

"It is indeed." I said thinly, focusing my eyes on my hands in my lap as I picked at them almost neurotically. Alice's hand landed on top of mine suddenly, causing me to jump and bite back a cry, my whole body flinching on instinct away from her. She withdrew her hand as if burned and I caught a wounded expression flit across her face before she swallowed it and composed herself.

"Sorry." She stammered quickly. "So sorry, I shouldn't have touched you, I'm sorry. I just wanted you to stop picking at your hands, you'll make yourself bleed." I nodded, my face burning red from embarrassment over my response to her innocent gesture. It upset me that I had reacted like that to Alice, she was one of my best friends and I knew that it hurt her that she still couldn't touch me, even after three months of friendship.

"It's my fault." I said guiltily, "I'm just nervous today, that's all I swear." It wasn't entirely the truth—her touch still made my skin crawl—but it was the answer I knew she wanted to hear and the answer I felt like I owed her. She smiled at me, forcibly slipping into her usual hyper, happy mood.

"No prob bro, what should we do before we swing by the center? It doesn't open until eleven and its only nine now."

"Breakfast?" I suggested, glancing at her to see if she seemed interested. She smiled, a real smile this time, and nodded.

"Do eggs sound good to you? Because eggs sound like the best motherfucking thing I ever heard of right about now." She informed me. The serious way she said it made me laugh and by the time we reached the restaurant Alice and I had slipped into our usual laidback banter and joking, our nerves swallowed by our ease with each other.

Breakfast was uneventful and filled with the same chitchat and mood as our conversation in the car. It centered mainly around gossip about the other members of our NA group and random tidbits about our lives that we wanted to examine and poke fun of. At around ten forty we paid and left, heading towards the testing center and the results of my latest (and hopefully last) series of STI tests. By the time we pulled up to the parking lot I was once again so nervous I could hardly get the door open. Walking in there was like walking to my own execution and my hands shook when I took the envelope from the attendant. Immediately I brought it right back out to the car where I had had Alice wait, jumping in and slamming the door behind me like the hounds of hell were chasing me.

"You do it, please Alice, I can't." I begged nervously, pressing the envelope into her hands and twisting my hands in my lap nervously while she opened it and read it. Finally, after what seemed like forever:

"You're one lucky bastard!" Alice whooped, slapping me on the back enthusiastically and grinning like a loon.

"Fuck! Negative?!" I questioned, more excited than I could ever remember being. She nodded and I leaned across her to snatch the paper out of her hand, scanning it quickly for myself before I could make myself believe her words. "Thank God." I breathed, laying a hand over my heart as the beat gradually decreased from its nervous dance to a slower, more even pace.

"Clean. Wasn't sure you'd be so fortunate." She admitted, casting me a look from under lowered eyelashes, looking serious for perhaps the first time since I'd met her. I nodded silently, not needing to voice my agreement. Of course I agreed with her. After all the shit I'd been through with James it was frankly a miracle I hadn't contracted any permanent STIs. And yet, here we were three and half months later holding my negative HIV result, the last of a series of screenings and tests I had undergone since getting clean.

"We should celebrate." I said finally, breaking our companionable silence as we sat in the car outside the center. Alice smirked, her eyes lighting up beneath her spiky black fringe.

"Ice cream shakes?" She questioned. I didn't even try to fight the grin that split across my face. She laughed and shook her head, nodding for me to fasten my seatbelt while she slammed the car in reverse and peeled out of the parking lot. Today was going to be a good day, I just knew it.

/

I shouldn't have spoken so soon. The thought kept repeating over and over in my head in time with the bass. I was leaning haphazardly against the wall at some random party, some unknown number of hours later with a red cup in my hand and a pounding headache. My vision blurred and spun and faded in and out with my consciousness and I was struggling to stay on my feet and present in the room. I didn't want to pass out again, I'd already done that once tonight thank you very much. I didn't know what exactly was in the drinks I'd been drinking or the joint I'd smoked and I had lost Alice hours ago around the same time I must have passed out. All I knew now was that I was fucked up, I didn't know a single goddamn person at this party, and I was in trouble.

Vaguely I registered my phone vibrating against my leg. I laughed at the sensation, the vibration feeling odd against my overheated skin. It rang several times in a row before I finally realized that I should probably answer it. I was expecting the voice on the other end to be Alice's so I headed her off with a quick plea to come find me:

"Finally Ali! Please, come back and get me."

"Jasper." The voice at the other end was harsh and masculine, definitely not Alice. It startled me and for a second I was taken aback. Then the person spoke again and the voice clicked into place. "Why didn't you answer your fucking phone the first five times I tried to call you?! I didn't buy it so that it could sit in your pocket!" Edward raged. He sounded angry, angrier than I'd heard him in quit awhile.

"Edward." It was all my brilliant mind could come up with in the state I was in. Predictably, that response did not make Edward happy.

"Where the fuck are you Jasper and what the hell did you do? Alice is frantic, she called me begging me to tell her you were here. Which you aren't. So if you aren't with me and you aren't with Alice, then where in God's name are you?" He demanded. I frowned, confused.

"At the party Alice brought me to." I answered. Edward made a low kind of choking, hissing sound through his teeth, like he was trying very, very hard not to straight up scream as loud as he could into the phone.

"The fuck you are Jasper." He spat. "Don't fucking lie to me. You left hours ago. Someone saw you dip out the backdoor with some skank in a red dress." Skank in a red dress? His words made no sense to me, I hadn't seen a girl in a red dress and I most definitely never left the party, least of all with this mystery girl.

"No." I muttered, confused. "I didn't."

"Yes you fucking did you dickhead!" Edward shouted through the phone. He was angrier than I'd ever heard him and I was almost afraid, probably would have been if the goddamn room would stop spinning. "Now tell me where the fuck you fucking went so I can come fucking get your fucking stupid ass!" Turned out Edward swore a lot when he was angry, I found that interesting.

"No really, Edward listen to me!" I insisted, trying hard to muster as much of my wits as I could so I could make him understand I hadn't gone anywhere. "I passed out on the couch at the party and woke up here, still at the party." Edward was silent for two beats before he spoke again.

"Jasper, will you just go outside and find a street sign or something? An intersection? Just find something that will tell me where to come find you." His tone was measured and calm, the detached voice I noticed he favored when doing anything medical. It was his doctor voice, he clearly now thought I was really in trouble.

"Okay." I said softly, obediently heading to the door. Getting to it took more effort than it should by far. My legs were shaky and constantly threatened to give out beneath me and my head whirled and spun with every move I made. I had to lean against the wall and inch my way over, taking frequent breaks and shutting my eyes to ensure that I didn't throw up or pass out. "Its hard to walk." I murmured to Edward, apologizing for my slowness. "I… I don't know what I took." I admitted guiltily.

"It's fine Jasper, it'll be okay." He soothed, his calm doctor's voice firmly in place and all of his emotions hidden behind it. It freaked me out frankly and I kept talking, hoping that the mask would crack and some of the Edward I knew would come through. Hoping my friend would come back instead of the cold, detached persona he had used when I first met him.

"My head… my head is spinning. I can't… I need help Edward."

"You'll be okay. Just get to the street okay? Tell me the street name and I'll come get you."

"I'm trying but… I'm so fucked up Edward. I'm so fucked up."

"You'll be okay, give me the street name."

"Edward, I don't know how I got to be this fucked up…"

Our inane conversation ended when I walked headfirst into someone standing in the doorway. I immediately raised my eyes from the floor and turned to the person I hit, stumbling back and apologizing before I even saw their face. My voice faded when my eyes tracked from the killer black strappy stilettos up toned legs to the voluptuous body before me. The woman was wearing a bright red dress. An uncomfortable tingle of unease ran up my spine. I was afraid to look up and my words died in my throat completely. I could hear Edward's voice on the phone changing rapidly from robot doctor to concerned friend, yet I was too preoccupied to care. Finally, finally I managed to bring my eyes from her midriff to her face, only to have all of the blood rush out of me at once as I flinched back in shock and dropped my phone. Only one person had hair as red as that.

"Hey Jazz baby." Victoria said in a sultry voice, leering at me from her pose in the doorway. "You woke up just in time, James will be here soon. He's missed you."


	10. Chapter 9

Hey guys! Sorry once again for the gap between chapters. I'm having a lot of problems writing this unfortunately. Anyway, thank you all SO SO much for the reviews from the last chapter. I loved them! As usual I apologize for any grammatical errors in this chapter. Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. Also, if you all have ideas for this story please tell me because I could use the help. Thanks!

Edward-

"Why the fuck would you take him to a goddamn party in the first place Alice?" I demanded, gripping the steering wheel with white knuckled hands. I was too angry to even look at the stupid bitch when I talked to her, too worried I would be tempted to stop driving and beat her ass or something. The angrier I got the faster I drove, my foot slamming down on the gas pedal and me too tense to loosen up on it. I was going about fifty over the speed limit already and still speeding up. I wasn't too worried about it though; the faster I drove the faster I got to Jasper.

"I'm sorry!" She sobbed, tears pouring down her face and running along the path made by hundreds of tears before them. She had been crying for at least the entire hour since she'd shown up at my door, tripping and panicked since she couldn't find Jasper. Apparently she hadn't seen him for over an hour. And that was before she came to me, which meant Jasper had been missing for over two hours. Over two hours in an environment where anything could happen. I thought my heart might literally explode I was so worried. Why the fuck did I have to be cursed? Everyone I cared about got hurt, fucking everyone!

"Sometimes people slip up!" She wailed, as if her stupid drug habit was an excuse. As if anything could be an excuse for putting Jasper in a situation like this.

"Slip up?! Slip up?! Fuck Alice! This isn't a slip up; this is a metric-fuck-ton of a fuck up! You took a recovering addict to a party where you knew there would be drugs! Because you wanted a hit?! What— you couldn't have left Jasper out of your own stupid decisions, your own weakness? You had to fuck him up too?" I roared, really and truly screaming at her now. She cried harder and out of the corner of my eye I saw her duck her head into her lap, cradling it in her hands so roughly I swear she must have been ripping out her own hair.

"I didn't mean to! We were just so excited! And… and I always went to these type of things when I was celebrating! I just… I just couldn't help it! I didn't think anything would happen to him I swear! There wasn't even his type of drug there, just some E, that's all! I swear! E isn't even that bad! Even if he did take it he would have been okay! I didn't think… where the fuck would he have gone?" She yelled, her tone high and thin and almost manic.

I squeezed my eyes shut tight and bit my lip hard enough to make it bleed to hold back my response. It was clear from her voice and her frantic hair pulling that Alice was about to completely lose her shit. She was nearly mad with grief, guilt, and worry and if I didn't lay off her she was liable to snap and jump out of the car or something. She was rolling after all and this was most definitely one bad trip. If I weren't so worried for Jasper I might even be concerned for her.

As it was I was furious and slightly vengeful. If I were being honest with myself I wouldn't give a shit if she jumped out of the car right now, I would probably even be happy about it. She deserved it. Still, I would be in deep shit later if she committed suicide using my vehicle and I didn't even stop afterward to see about her. So for the sake of my jail-free existence, I held my tongue and drove even faster. My GPS said that I was less than fifteen minutes away from Jasper, assuming he still had his phone on him. Who knew that the stupid built-in GPS would ever be anything other than creepy?

/

Jasper-

Looking back it's obvious that whatever drug Victoria slipped me to trick me into leaving the first party actually saved my life. Because they were in my system she figured I would be knocked out for quite a while when I passed out almost immediately after hearing her tell me James was coming. She thought I'd be out for a while, but she underestimated the tolerance I had built up over years of using various hard drugs. As it turned out I woke up a few minutes later (I think) to see her talking to someone in the doorway to what was probably a dining room with her back to me. I didn't wait to hear what they were saying, I used her distraction to crawl back the way I had come earlier, struggling to my feet as soon as I entered the living room I woke up in. A couple of people looked my way as I stumbled past them but no one stopped me and I managed to make it out into the backyard before my knees gave out and I fell hard, barely catching myself with my hands in time to stop myself from landing flat on my face. I closed my eyes for a few seconds—trying desperately to bring the world back into focus—but only succeeded in making my dizziness worse. For a second I thought about just not getting up. It would be easier, that was for sure. And it almost seemed like a good idea. A nap would be nice, right here on the soft grass. Someone grabbing my arm drug me from my thoughts forcefully and I screamed and thrashed before I even saw who it was. The person drew back and I looked up to see a very confused looking stranger hovering over me.

"Dude, what the fuck is wrong with you?" He asked, looking like he was debating between helping me and getting the fuck out of there. I shook my head and pushed myself to my feet, leaning against a nearby chair when the dizziness tried to take my legs out from under me again.

"Nothing." I lied, shaking my head until he shrugged and turned away. Then I booked it to the gate I could see on the far side of the grass. Victoria would notice I was gone soon if she hadn't already and the house wasn't that big. She would find me unless I hurried.

Thankfully it didn't take me long to reach my target and the lock was unlatched so partygoers could come and go as they pleased. I clung to the door for support as I stepped out through it into a poorly lit alleyway. For a second I hesitated. If there was a better place to get attacked and murdered I had certainly never seen it… my indecision was short lived. If I waited here then James would find me and he would definitely attack and murder me. I'd take my chances with anyone I found in the alley. The walk between the gate and the street felt like the longest walk of my life. I was fucked up beyond functioning and yet my sheer terror drove me to continue past what I was capable of. Its clear and biting edge sobered me up enough to make it to the street without passing out or falling. And then I was on the sidewalk next to the street alongside the side of the house, and the streetlights were blurring together into one huge light and my head was spinning and I had nothing left to hold onto. I swayed where I stood and would have fallen had the sudden appearance of headlights not startled me into freezing completely. For one terrible moment I thought I had walked out just in time to greet James, but then Edward's flaming red hair appeared from the drivers side of the car as he leapt out, focused on the front door of the house.

"Edward!" I gasped. Unfortunately the sound wasn't loud enough to catch Edward's attention. I tried to call him again, lurching towards him, but the sound was swallowed by a startling wail from within Edward's car. Before either of us could do anything more Alice was bounding out of it and straight to me, wrapping an arm around my waist before I could stop her or she could think about it. I saw Edward swing towards us and see us standing there—saw the relief on his face—and then my whole body tensed and my mind panicked as it registered someone touching me, grabbing me, restraining me. In my fucked up state the panic overwhelmed everything and I passed out once again.

/

The next day-

"Tell me again how you got out." He demanded for what had to be the third time at least.

"I passed out and Victoria got into a conversation with her back to me." I said calmly, rehashing exactly what I had told him before.

"She didn't think I'd wake back up so soon but I did. I knew… I knew that she wasn't kidding. That… that h-h-h-he was coming for me." I had to pause after that to gather myself and hold back the tears. Even now, safe and sound in the kitchen with Edward, I still felt the horrible freezing fear that had gripped me when I had first seen Victoria. To think that James was so close to finding me, that he almost had me back… I felt my breathing becoming shallow as my vision faded and I started to panic.

"Hey." Edward said gently, his soft voice in my ear bringing me back to the present and pulling me back from the brink of a panic attack. I'd been having them all night, a definite setback from where I had been just yesterday. I was so ashamed of myself that that thought alone almost snapped me back into the rush of panic; only Edward's continual crooning kept me grounded.

"You're okay Jasper, you aren't there, he can't hurt you." He soothed, his behavior one hundred percent transformed from his harsh demanding persona of ten seconds ago. I brought my eyes to his quickly to show him I was still here and nodded hesitantly, tentatively wrapping my arms around him and burying my face in his shoulder.

"I was scarred and I knew I couldn't fight her so I used her distraction to get away. I crawled back into the living room I had come out of and then walked out the backdoor." I paused and he encouraged me to keep going by rubbing soothing circles on my back while I caught my breath.

"I managed to get out the back and into the alley that lead to the street. The rest you know." I finished. Edward held me for a few silent minutes, smoothing my hair and running gentle hands along my back while he thought and I waited.

"She said he's missed you." He said finally, releasing me suddenly and stepping back onto his heel so that he was facing me. I nodded.

"Yeah."

"And she took you from the party." He murmured more to himself than to me. "Fuck!" He swore suddenly, beginning to pace back and forth in the kitchen with quick, evenly paced strides. "So they're looking for you."

"That's what it seems like." I agreed glumly.

"Fuck!" He swore again, his face contorting so violently that I took a half step back without meaning to. "It won't take them that long to find you here then. And what will we do then, with a whole bunch of murderous thugs out to get you?" I twisted my hands even tighter together, so tight I thought for a second I might pop one of my fingers out of place or something.

"I don't know." I mumbled. It was a useless answer from a useless person and I knew it. Guilt surged through me, so strongly I felt tears sting my eyes. I was more than good-for-nothing, I was dangerous. I should leave, and yet I was too much of a coward to do it. I ripped my hands apart and balled them into fists in one sudden rush of resolve. There were many things about myself I couldn't change, but I didn't have to be a coward.

"I could leave." I said shakily, quietly. Edward paused in his pacing, his head snapping towards me as he leveled me with a burning stare.

"What?" He managed to get out after a few seconds of utter speechlessness.

"I could go. Then you wouldn't be in danger." I said louder, in a stronger voice. Edward's expression went from angry and frustrated to… I don't know, almost hurt.

"Where? Do you not like living here? Am I a bad roommate?" He questioned, sounding honestly confused. I shook my head quickly, brining my hands up and using them to get my point across more firmly.

"No! Not at all! I love living here; I love being your roommate! I just… I don't want you to get hurt because of me." I explained. Edward's face cleared of all readable expressions for a minute and he just stood staring at me, hands by his sides and shoulders slumped in the middle of his floor. Then he started to slowly shake his head, his expression somber, almost sad. Before I could figure out how to react he took the decision away from me, closing the distance between us and wrapping me easily in his arms. He left his grip lose enough that I didn't feel the need to flinch or edge away.

"Jasper I don't think you understand what you mean to me." He whispered softly in my ear, cradling me to him gently and yet still firmly. "I would much rather have to deal with some fucking bullies like James and his lackeys than lose you. Even if you were right down the street. You're my best friend and… I think maybe I'm ready to… it's been a really long time since… " I hugged Edward to me closer, not understanding his sudden rush of emotion but gathering that what he was saying was hard for him, extremely so. He was shaking and stuttering, on the verge of something big I could tell. And so I held him firmly to me and tucked my head under his chin while he tried to think of the words that he needed.

"Since..." The silence stretched and his breath caught in his throat, the air in the room seemed to disappear. As if everything hung in the balance of his words. And then, he breathed out suddenly, all of the tension leaving him as he said in a frustrated, almost defeated voice:

"I can't… I just can't. I'm sorry Jasper, maybe soon. But right now I just… can't." He tried to pull away from me but I wouldn't let him, tightening my arms around his waist and nuzzling my face farther into him stubbornly. Clearly he hadn't been able to get out what he had wanted to and I didn't really know where he was trying to go with it but I didn't give a shit. He was Edward, and he wanted me. Me, of all people! Edward Cullen wanted me, as his roommate and as his friend. He cared about me and that meant more to me than he would ever know. I was not about to let the man go simply because he couldn't say whatever it is he wanted to right now.


	11. Chapter 10

Hey guys! Thank you so much for all of the reviews for the last chapter and for this whole story in general. Also, thank you for all of the encouragement to continue it. I'm sorry about the long delay, I won't even make any excuses because there really aren't any good ones for not updating for over a year... This chapter isn't betad and its been awhile since I've written so I apologize if there are errors. Good news is: I already wrote and edited the chapter after this so I'll be posting it in a few days!

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters

/

Jasper-

In the week following my near escape from the party Edward seemed troubled. He had more day shifts than usual and spent more nights curled up with me on the couch watching TV and bantering lightly. Still, we seemed to talk even less than normal. That's not to say we were around each other less, in fact it was exactly the opposite and I spent more time in his presence than I arguably ever had before. It was just… he was there without being there and I often caught him spacing out in the middle of an episode or mid conversation. The first few days of this worried me greatly. I found myself wondering if he regretted letting me stay here now that James was looking for me or if I was boring him. By the fifth day or so I gave up worrying, it was impossible to beat myself up about things when Edward was there to notice and pull me out of my slump.

The tenth day started out like all the others for us; Edward joined me at night after work for an episode of Dr. Who and we talked and joked during it as always. The only difference was I couldn't get him to laugh, not even to smile. At the end I reached across him to grab at the remote and hit the next episode button—since he was too lazy—and ended up nearly nose to nose with him. He grabbed my chin gently and turned my face to face his. He was so close I could feel his breath ghost across my lips and I was caught by the look in his eyes while he stared at me. It was something I had never seen before; something unreadable. There was a darkness there, a sadness almost, a yearning mixed with loss. And lust— that too perhaps— but nothing like the emotion I used to see in James or any of his friends. This was remote, so removed that I couldn't even be sure it was me he was lusting after. And then there were the other two; caring definitely, he cared about me to some degree, and wonder, a question almost. As if he were pondering some outcome in his head. I tensed—unsure what to do with him looking at me in such a way— and waited.

I had no problem with Edward touching me; he did it all the time at night when we slept and frequently during the day when we were just hanging out around the house. Still, the look was uncharted territory and I didn't know what to do. Add that to the fact that Edward never held my stare for this long and never, ever, grabbed me and I couldn't help but get anxious after a moment. After fifteen seconds or so I flinched away from him slightly, not enough to break his grip but enough for him to see my nervousness. In a second whatever had been in his eyes was gone, replaced by the one emotion it hurt me most to see: disgust. He stood up so quickly he knocked me backwards onto the coach and disappeared into his room for the rest of the night without saying anything. I went to bed that night convinced he was angry with me and that he wanted nothing more to do with me. I woke in the middle of the night after crying myself to sleep to find him wrapped around me in my own bed. His chin tucked into my shoulder, arm snuggly around my waist, and his breath ghosting across my ear. I was so happy to see him that I couldn't help but tangle my feet in his, an action that caused him to stir a little and murmur a quiet;

"s'okay, go back to sleep. I've got you." I did as requested. The next morning I woke to Edward's gentle voice in my ear, urging me to come eat breakfast. Everything seemed to have returned to normal.

/

Edward-

The party incident changed everything for me. No longer could I pretend that Jasper didn't mean much to me, or that he and I were strictly friends. The thought of losing him had awoken some deep-seated, anxious, fear within me that I had thought had died with Keenan. The fear drove me to install a new security system in my house and to double and triple check that the address I had linked to the account James transferred money into was somewhere far away from my real address. The fear led to more dayshifts at the hospital and more nights spent with Jasper cuddled up safe in my arms on the couch.

Honestly though, it was the gratitude that really changed things. I hadn't felt grateful for anything in years; why should I when life had taken everything good from me before I hit thirty? I had been bitter and angry at everything. Few good feelings penetrated my dark cloud and it was no wonder I lost most of my friends in those years. To feel grateful— thankful even— at having Jasper returned to me was huge. A real awakening of sorts. Bella noticed, Jasper noticed, and so did all of my coworkers. Each of them privately attributed my change in mood to mean different things. Angela thought I'd finally found the light at the end of my tunnel of grief. Jessica thought I'd finally realized that she and I were meant to be. Bella imagined Jasper and I must be about to elope or something equally drastic. Jasper was the only person whose thoughts were hard to read, and that frustrated me to no end. He responded to my change in attitude with the same easy grace I'd come to expect from him. He smiled more perhaps and his eyes lit up whenever I did something nice for him. But he never once commented on my sudden apparent clinginess or the number of times he caught me staring at him throughout the day as I mulled things over in my head.

By the time almost two weeks had passed since the incident, I was sure that I wanted to have some kind of relationship with Jasper. A part of me—which seemed to occupy a cold, hard, fist-sixed knot in my stomach— felt guilty and alarmed for cheating on Keenan like that. I placated that part of myself by rationalizing that Keenan wouldn't want me to be lonely and that my feelings for Jasper weren't anywhere near my feelings for Keenan. Keenan I had loved, Jasper I cared about. Being with Keenan was being with my soul mate and I was just using Jasper to cope with Keenan's absence. A small voice in my head warned me that thinking this way wasn't fair, that I was using Jasper just like James had if I went about it this way. I forced the voice back until it was only an uncomfortable prickle on the back of my neck; this was the way things had to be. At least… that's how I felt that Tuesday.

/

Edward-

Wednesday morning I woke up to a knocking at the front door really early in the morning, before my alarm even rang to wake me up for work. I carefully extracted myself from Jasper so as not to wake him and scurried to answer it. I frowned when I saw Bella standing there, Starbucks in hand and a weak looking smile on her face.

"Bella?" I questioned groggily. The corner of her mouth twitched up and she shoved one of the two cups into my hand, pushing past me and into the hallway on the way to the kitchen. She plopped herself down in a chair and stared at me where I leaned against the doorframe.

"How are you doing today Edward?" She asked carefully. I frowned, not understanding her question or why she was here.

"Fine. Are you okay Bells? Is it Jake?" I asked, worry clenching in my gut as I imagined something being wrong with one of the two of them. I shuddered in real terror as the thought suddenly occurred to me that James might have somehow gotten to them, hurt them. I had been so preoccupied with protecting Jasper that I hadn't even warned Bella—

"Edward!" Bella's harsh tone snapped me from my thoughts in an instant and I refocused on her concerned frown.

"We're fine. Today is… " She trailed off suddenly, her eyes widening and her face taking on a look of shock. "Edward do you not know what day it is?" She asked in an almost unbelieving tone. And suddenly I remembered.

I remembered why she was here and what today was. Today the love of my life had officially been gone for three whole years. For a second all I could feel was panic. It swelled inside of me until it forced out everything else, including the air in my lungs and the food in my stomach. I flew to the kitchen and retched over the sink until nothing else would come up and I was finally able to stop dry heaving. Bella stroked my back and my hair soothingly the whole time, murmuring soft words I couldn't understand into my ear. For a moment I felt… something insufferable. Something more horrifying and dark than anything I'd ever felt before I lost Keenan. Something worse even than what I had felt when I knew for certain he was dead. It was the same feeling I had battled with since I got over the shock and realized he was never, ever coming back. The sensation was less of a feeling and more of a void, the kind you drop a rock into as a kid and wait and wait and wait to hear the sound of it hitting the bottom. Except it never comes. The void is final and huge and inescapable. It is infinite. For a moment I knew I couldn't do this, couldn't exist with all this inside me. I just couldn't at the most basic and yet highest level. So I did the only thing I could do, what I had been doing for years. I searched for the numbness I knew was inside of me and I pulled it around my thoughts and myself like a cloak.

And just like that the thankfulness I felt, the desire for a relationship with Jasper, every good feeling I had had in the last few months, snapped shut behind a wall of emptiness. Once my wall was in place I felt the panic fade away and I could think again. I couldn't believe I had forgotten. I tried to remember when exactly I stopped counting the days since Keenan died and I couldn't. I didn't know how I felt about that and that alone was enough to tell me what I felt was part of the void.

Whatever Bella must have seen in my face between two minutes ago and now must have scared her because she wrapped me in a tight hug. I felt a tear on the side of my neck where her face pressed into my skin and realized she was crying silently. I hugged her back and we stood there for an indeterminable amount of time before she finally gathered herself and pulled away.

"Do you want to go to my house? We can watch movies or something like last year." I shook my head.

"I forgot to call out of work."

"It doesn't matter. Call in sick or something." I frowned at her.

"I'm fine Bella, I've gotten through every other year haven't I?"

"You know Edward, not everything is about you all the time!" She yelled, her sadness exploding into anger. Tears poured from her eyes and she turned away to compose herself presumably while she muffled full sobs with her hand. I felt a prickle of guilt creep into my stomach and I left to make the call without another word. By the time I was finished Bella had gotten herself together and was watching me dry-eyed.

"I want to be with Jake so we're going to my house." She informed me. I nodded.

"Let me get dressed real quick." I mumbled, heading back towards my bedroom without waiting for an answer. I froze with one hand outstretched to push the door open when I remembered Jasper. The thought of him in my room— my bed no less— on today of all days, set my stomach flipping and I felt for a moment as if I had to throw up again. I felt a crack in my wall of numbness and physically recoiled, closing my eyes and taking deep breathes to ground myself before I went it. When I did finally manage it I purposefully kept my eyes averted from the bed and Jasper nestled in it. For the first time in forever I wished like Hell he'd never stepped foot in my room. I felt the crack grow larger and shuddered.

It took me forever to decide what to wear with so many thoughts crowding my head. At first I figured I would just toss on sweats and call it a day (since all I'd be doing was watching TV) but then I hesitated. I didn't want to watch movies all day, I wanted to fucking drink. Drink and drink until I forgot everything. Until I forgot Keenan and Jasper and even my own name. The desire was unusual for me. Alcohol had never been my coping mechanism before. For a second the wiser part of myself put up a fuss about how good of an idea drinking actually was in my mood, but that part was quickly silenced. Quickly I grabbed my favorite dress shirt and threw it on, rummaging through my drawer until I found an old, hardly ever worn, pair of skinny jeans. I completed the look with my only pair of converse and swept my keys and wallet off the table, shoving my cell into my pocket as I went. Today I would spend watching tv with Bella and Jake. Tonight I would forget, that seemed the easiest option.


End file.
